[TOEFL essay] Teachers should update their knowledge every 5years.

hi
thanks to reading my essay...
can you give me your advice? (structure, grammar... and your adivce)

When people read school texts, they feel almost same include teachers teaching styles.
These days, some people insist that is Teachers should update their knowledge every five years.
Because, the world change everything include education. However, another people tell that when change teaching know-how, it gives chaos to students include teachers. It is due to the fact that they rearrange their study on every five years. also, students feel burden. But, I think that Teachers should update their knowledge every five years.

This is my reasons;

First of all, It is Korea old saying 'If spend 10 years, the mountain would be changing its apparent.
Many people agree that information's change is so fast also knowledge. As a results, teachers announce to students incorrect information. Another people insist it. But, we have a lot of unsolving mystery.

It need to time, when solve mystery. To illustrate, astronomy part is the best example.
At past, people thought that Jupiter was two plants. Because of, it is different color morning and night. When spent time, people knew that it is same planet. When watched this fact, we need to update teachers' knowledge.

Second, teens change their think to compare with past. Nowadays, children are fast to mature that is apparent and idea. For example, the singlet appears and used by teens. When I talk my cousin, he always talks coined words. It makes me confusing. Also, the issue at hand is that sex education need faster than before. Through this fact, we can know that teachers' knowledge need to updating for teens.

In conclusion, these days, everything change to compare with past. Also, information change so fast. In addition, sometimes, when spend time, astronomy or some mystery story change. Therefore, I firmly insist that teachers' knowledge need to updating every 5 years.

Hi.

Some grammar mistakes, and I found the structure not quite as solid as it could be.

For starters, I would suggest placing the first and second sentences somewhere later in the essay, and start with the third sentence.

When people read school texts, the books sometimes feel generic . This includes teaching styles of teachers .

These days, some people insist that ist eachers should update their knowledge every five years, b ecause change is the only constant for everything, including education . However, another people say that when teaching methods change , it gives rise to chaos for teachers and students alike . It is due to the fact that they restructure their study materialon every five years. A lso, students feel burden.

But, I think that Teachers should update their knowledge every five years because:

First of all, it is an old Korean saying that 'If one waited 10 years, the mountain's changes would be apparent.' Many people agree that our knowledge pool changes quickly . As a results, teachers instruct students using redundant teaching material . Another people insist it. But, we have a lot of unsolving mystery.

It needs time to unravel the mysteries of the universe . To illustrate, Astronomy makes a good example. In the past, people thought that Jupiter was two planetsb ecause of it's different colors at morning and night. After some period people realized it was the same planet. When this fact came to light teachers should have been alerted.

Second, teens do not change their thinking to conform with the past. Nowadays, it is apparent that children mature unnaturally quickly . For example, revealing clothing is often used by teens. When I talk my cousin, he always speaks in confusing slang . It makes me confusing . A main issue stemming from this is that sex education needs to be provided for our teens. This implies that our teachers need to be updated on their methods to evolve with changing times . Through this fact, we can know that teachers' knowledge need to updating for teens.

In conclusion, these days everything changes relative to the past Also,,including information . When time goes by , astronomy or some other mysterious story changes to reflect the present . Therefore, I firmly insist that teachers' knowledge need to be updated every 5 years.

thank you,your advice...
I have many mistakes T^T

Thanks, Naveen, I know that process takes a long time. You are nice!

Allen, it looks like you just need practice. It's okay to have many mistakes. I try to speak in Spanish sometimes because I know a little Spanish, but I must sound ridiculous because of all my mistakes. I really only know English. As you practice English, you can improve be paying attention to changes people make when correcting your work.

It would be cool if you spend a minute retyping the essay with all of Naveen's changes, and we can see if you still have any errors. So... if you have time, type another draft! :-)

You're welcome, guys!

And Allen: a few mistakes, but you never learn till you make 'em!

Hi, i just wonder is your essay for TOEFL test?
If your essay is for TOEFL writing test, you can just check it on MS WORD on your computer.
Try to avoid the red underlines is a good strategy.
Anyway, good luck.

everybody thanks a lots

I'll try to use ur advice :)