Teaching job - time in your life when you had difficulty making an important decision. CBEST

I am preparing for my CBEST writing exam this Satarday. Please help me review my essay. I will appreciate any advise.

Changing my career for teaching

Describe a particular time in your life when you had difficulty making an important decision. Identify the situation and explain whether you were able to resolve the problem. If it was resolved, how? If not, why not - what happened?

During the course of our life we make several significant and difficult decisions that affect our lives. These decisions affect our professional and personal choices. Moreover, these decisions were made carefully and thoughtfully. The hardest decision I have made was changing my career.

Changing my career from programming field to teaching wasn't an easy decision. After I graduated from high school with an excellent GPA, I have had many options to choose from. However, my parent's willingness has prioritized my wishes and affect my choice. After four years I graduate with B.S in software engineering.

Finding a job wasn't hard to me because programming is a demanding career. Having great benefits such as medical insurance, good means and comfortable environment made my decision to quit the job harder and harder. Moreover, failing in the new career was extremely fears me. Failing isn't easy especially when you were challenging your whole family about the new decision. I doubled my effort and performance to be successes in my new job.

Teaching has been always my passion. I think teaching is product of people not only books and papers. Being a teacher was sufficient to provide me with lot of happiness, joy and love. Shorter work hours helped me to have time to enjoy my kids and prepare a warm dinner every night.

Eventually, everything in the begging has some complexity. Thinking with new stuff fears us, but sometimes we should challenge ourselves. Surrounding with love every single morning made it worth it to change to a new career.

@Adam_zain
Hey, dear. Welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback becomes helpful for you. Before I proceed with the feedback, I would like to say good luck to your writing exam!

Firstly, be cautious of the tenses of the composition of your words. This should as well include the usage of punctuation and appropriate words to encapsulate your text. Make sure that you are abiding by the minimum requirements to have a clearer approach towards writing. Take a look at your immediate introductory paragraph. You should have placed a comma (at least) before the word we because of the manner of your composition.

Furthermore, try to evade being repetitive in your language. Notice how there's no drastic difference between the last sentence of the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second one. While these are small differences, it certainly pays off in terms of maximizing the space that you have.

Furthermore, try to merge thoughts that are similar with each other to avoid being unnecessary content-wise. For instance, the paragraphs that sandwich your writing about teaching could both be merged into one singular chunk of text as your concluding remarks. Prioritizing is key here.

thanks so much!