Unanswered [25] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


Tech and Brain power. Technology deteriorate human way of thinking - GRE issue Task


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Oct 7, 2015   #1
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


Brain power is interchangeably with the advance of technology. It cannot be doubted that technology already alter all of aspect of human life, from the personal to the public issue. However, due to this kind of phenomenon, I might less likely to agree that role of technology to solve problem could be totally deteriorate the way of human think.

Efficiency takes a huge part of human daily. We know that human, nowadays, tend to rely on technology immaturely in particular way. Taking an example of the market activities, even for simple calculation people are tend to use calculator instead of trying to think the exact sum of the goods. Whereas, we can also see the development of technology detract human socialize sense. Major adult in a metropolitan city, in Jakarta for example, choose to kowtow with another people in line as an optional, and favorably to chat with their WhatsApps or Line account.

On the contrary, technology is not merely harm people's way of think, regardless, it helps much particularly in decision making. As an tangible example is the case of business executives' work in stock exchange. Due to the technology, statistical data about currency rate could be appropriately monitored and then helps the custody to make decision. This might not effectively seen, if the ramification of technology does not exist. Government also, helps much in counting the death toll after devastating Tsunami 2006 in Indonesia due to the advance of technology. Imagine, if there should be calculated traditionally. How long it takes time? How long decision is made? and how long the survivor waiting for helps.

Having said that, I do agree that use technology for solving problem may deteriorate way of human think, if the user are too lied over the facilities. However, the case of helping technology could not be neglected is one of the supporting aspect of the way people think to solve many problems.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 8, 2015   #2
Sekar, while I did manage to finally follow your flow of thought, I think that you could have used a stronger statement with which to argue your opinion. For example, people who work in the technology industry believe that "As technology advances so does the intelligence of man. For technology opens up avenues to new learning and raises questions that man did not have before."

It almost sounds like you used an online translator to write the English version of your thoughts. It is not only confusing to read, but sometimes, it does not totally make sense. Almost as if it was merely transliterated instead of actually being thoughtfully constructed by the writer. I apologize if this comes across as an insult. That was not my intention. My point, is that you should try to better develop your sentences so that when these are placed as a unit into one paragraph, the message that you want to convey is clear and understandable. Let me offer some examples of how you can do this below:

Brain power is interchangeably with the advance ...
... be totally deteriorate the way of human think.


Brain power cannot be interchanged with the advance of technology. While we cannot doubt that technology has already altered human life, from the personal issues to the public discussions, I believe that the human mind can never be totally eradicated by technology. Therefore, I am less likely to agree with the argument that technology can diminish the participation of the human mind in its daily activities.

Efficiency takes a huge part ...
... favorably to chat with their WhatsApps or Line account.


Man needs to be efficient in his daily life. That is why he relies mostly on technology these days to accomplish certain tasks. Even for something as simple as computing the total groceries bought, man would rather use a calculator to compute than use a simple pen and paper addition method. Technology has also desensitized man with regards to his surroundings. In Jakarta, adults often opt to chat using their cellphone apps rather than talking to those with them in a line up for services.

On the contrary, technology is not merely harm ...
... and how long the survivor waiting for helps.


Technology does not really harm the way people think. It actually helps people make decisions faster. An example of this will be the way technology helps businessmen make stock market decisions because they can constantly monitor the market from their tablets and mobile phones. The government recently used technology to help count the fatalities during the 2006 tsunami. Without technology, it would be almost impossible to do that.

Having said that, I do agree that ...
... think to solve many problems.


While I do agree that technology might deteriorate some problem solving skills of man, it can never totally deteriorate the analytical thought process of man.


Home / Writing Feedback / Tech and Brain power. Technology deteriorate human way of thinking - GRE issue Task
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳