Hi everybody! Wish you a marvelous day! This is my essay, I think it's very simple and somehow unclear. Please, tell me your point of view, I will be very very thankful.
prompt: working at home using computers or telephone is better than working in the office (350 words)
Essay:
In many countries telecommuting started to be very popular.There are many reasons for this phenomena.
It's not a secret that when an employee work from home, employer can save some money: he or she doesn't need to rent the office, moreover a boss can pay lesser for a telecommuting worker.
From the perspective of workers there are also many good reasons to telecommute: no early get up, sticking in the traffic jam, no tasteless office food, on the top of it, young people can take care of their babies or look after older family members. One more reason is bad air conditioning in the offices, at home one can have control over his or her working environment.
Unfortunately, there is no thing in the world which has only positive side. Everyone who wants to telecommute will face a lot challenges: one needs to have a strong will and good self-control; if one doesn't like his job and always feels frustrated he risks to bring the stress origin to own shelter; if one have kids at home, telecommuting can be disastrous idea, as children have nature of creating mess. Long story short is very difficult to be concentrated at job task when you stay at home.
Not so long time ago I heard a lecture of one professor, she said that according to statistics people working at home usually work long-hours and are less productive.
After all, telecommuting is not a universal thing, it suits only to devoted workers, who know how to manage their time and personal life. It is also important to mention that for this kind of people work in the office will kill their creativity and desire to work.
If I was an employer I will be strongly against working at home, first because I will not be able to control situation and second because I believe working with others can provide some essential stimuli for a worker to thrive. If I were an employee I will not ask for telecommuting as I want my home be a place for taking rest only.
Interesting prompt! The first thing that stands out when reading the essay is the grammatical errors and sentence structure. The context is fine. It just needs to be worded better, stronger.
I suggest, for example, an opening sentence such as:
As telecommuting has become more popular in many countries, one might question the reasons for this growing phenomena.
From there you will want to lead in with the reasons or benefits of working from home as they apply to both the worker and the employer.
Pay close attention to typos or grammar errors such as "It's not a secret that when an employee work..." Should be "works". Also check for spacing between sentences and run-on sentences. For example, "One more reason is bad air conditioning in the offices, at home one can have control over his or her working environment." Instead, I suggest: "Because some office environments have poor air-conditioning, working at home allows the employee or contractor to control his or her working environment."
If you go through and look close at each sentence and apply the suggestions, you should have a great essay!
