Ielts: Telecommuting and working at home

Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer
Technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting

Nowadays, more and more workers are bringing their office jobs to the comforts of their homes and using today's advance computer technology to get in touch with their bosses. This method called Telecommuting is like to be widespread among office workers in the next few decades. In this essay, I will discuss the possible effect of this growing trend in our society.

Working at home can be a very beneficial both to us and to the environment. You can save lots of money because you do not have drive or commute to work. In addition, for those who own a car, the less they use it, the lesser CO2 they emit, it is like hitting two birds with one stone. Moreover, there is nothing more irritating than getting late for work because of heavy traffic, but with your home as your workplace, you do not have to worry about that. Finally, working at home allows you to spend more time with your family which is very important to in building a nice and warm relationship

My sister for instance is one of the many who benefits from this system. My sister used to work in an office as an online tutor for Koreans, it was a great job but also a little dangerous because she had to work at night and came home past midnight most of the time. Conveniently, my sister found a similar job but this time, she can do it from home. Now, she does not have to worry about how much the price of the gas is, taxi fares and also, being late because of traffic. With her current work, she had more spare time than she had before and she appears to have a better mood.

Although sometimes, especially for mothers, daily life can interfere with work such as kids and house chores, but this is nothing compared to the benefits of working at your own house

To sum it all up, with the help of our current technology, telecommuting can definitely change life as we know it in a good way.

Actually, i think there is a fault in your first paragraph. You can start with a fact, not necessarily with the definition. make sure your fact is a concrete one. I don't understand the meaning of 'more and more". i feel you can easily say"a lot". some minor grammatical errors. NO. you don't put your main reason for writing the essay in the second paragraph; it's meant to be in the first paragraph dear.

Actually, it is nice you start with your topic sentence, but there is a lot of ways you can do that in which your approach will be beautiful. never abbreviate in an essay- simply say what it means and put in bracket the shortened form, that way you educating the reader. I don't really like the way you constructed your 3rd paragraph. re-write the essay and i will re- check it if i'm less busy.