WRITING TASK 1 of IELTS: UK TELEPHONE CALLS - the total number of minutes by three categories

I am preparing for IELTS, so please give me some suggestion on my essay. Also, I would like to know which band I would get. Thanks for your reply!

UK telephone calls by category, 1995-2002

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone call in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.
Summarise the information by selecting a reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

Given is the information that reveals the total amount of telephone calls in the UK over eight-year period, and it is divided into three types.

Among all kinds of phone calls, local fixed line is obviously the most popular one within eight years. It gradually grew from 70 billion to 90 billion minutes in five years, but it fell back steadily to 70 billion in 2002.

National and international fixed line and mobiles phone calls both increased during the past eight years. There was about 70 billion national and international fixed line calls in 1995, and it had risen to 60 by the end of the period. Meanwhile, the minutes of mobiles increased at a very rapid pace from approximately 4 to 55.

In brief, although the local telephone was still the most commonly used one from 1995 to 2002, it has slowly decreased over the years, while the mobiles call rose up dramatically.

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You have written just enough words to meet the over the minimum word requirement for this task. That is not enough. You have to write at least 175 words for this part of the test so that you can maximize your overall scoring potential. You are scored on 4 aspects in this test, so make sure that you write enough words for the examiner to get a better idea of your intermediate or advanced writing style. Make sure you are scored on the intermediate to advanced English learner level. The number of words you wrote will only qualify you for the highest score based on the beginner level.

The summary overview should have at least 3 sentences covering:
- Type of graph
-Topic for measurement
- Subjects of measurement
-Type of measurement
- Trending sentence

In this essay, you only provided the type of graph and topic for measurement, the rest of the information is missing. You will be scored down in the TA section because of this. Your paragraphs do not meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement. It would be better for you to aim for 3-5 sentence per paragraph so that you can easily meet the maximum scoring consideration for your essay on all 4 scoring counts.

Your information is complete and clear. However, you are only delivering the memorized information from the graph. There is no developed discussion in your presentation format. If you want to learn how to better approach this essay, listen to the business news reports on TV or the radio. Those reports are verbal versions of the Task 1 essay so you should be able to pick up presentation pointers from them for use in your own reporting essay. Remember, those radio reports come from written information, which was completed by other people for the reader. That is the whole point of the Task 1 essay.

@vanessazhang00
One more key feature that you can add to your essay as an alternative to making the conclusion sounds more general:

=> In brief, although the rankings remained the same, the three genres gradually narrowed the margin between them from over 30 billion minutes to about one-third of that number throughout the period.

Because your summary only mentions 2 categories, meanwhile the task gives you 3 categories.
Besides, the strong increase in mobile phone data is mentioned in the last sentence of the third paragraph, so I don't think you should repeat it at this conclusion.

Hope this help!