I disagree that television has destroyed communication between friends and family.

hii... I am practicing for toefl exam. Plz check my essay.
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Television has destroyed communication between friends and family.
Use specific reason and example to support your opinion.

I don't think that Television has destroyed communication between friends and family. Television may waste our time for example spend time in watching movies, drama and other program of entertainment despite it gives better knowledge by watching channel like discovery, national geographic, history, animal planet etc. TV provides good thing as well as bad thing, choice is your that what do you want to watch. It is wrong to say that Television has destroyed communication between friends and family, because watching of television may give some knowledgeable point to discuss and it helps to make interesting communication rather than speaking about crap things.

One reason for Television has not destroyed communication between friends and family is that television has so many good program which aware us about what is going on in world. I think that up till now television is cheapest source for getting information, entertainment, news etc. But we have to be sure that it will not hang us on crap like program and serials. We should not make ourselves to be addicted with television and if we can't control on addiction then there are also many source which make us to be addicted like computer video games, internet etc. which may be destroyed communication between family and friends. We should not miss our time which we should spend with friends and family. We should give more preference to our friend and family than television.

Furthermore, Television is a good source of taking information so we should do proper use of it. For example housewives can learn new cooking dish from TV, We can learn yoga form TV and there are so many thing which we can learn from TV to improve our day to day life.

In conclusion, we should have proper awareness about which program in TV is good for us which will not waste our time, so we can't lose our time which we should be spend with friends and family.

Television may waste our time. F or example, spending time in watching movies

...has so many good programs which aware us about (aware is adjective. I think you should use a verb here. you can say: which make us aware about ...) what is going on in the world.

...there are so many things which ...

For example, housewives

there are so many things which we

we should be spend with friends and family.

I think it's better to restructure some of your sentences, you begin most of them with the words (we should)

I hope this will help.
Good Luck

thanks Zubaida

It is better not to capitalize television. Only capitalize it if it begins a sentence or if you use the abbreviation T.V.

But this does not need to be capitalized:
I don't think that television has destroyed communication between friends and family.

Television may waste our time; for example, spending time in watching movies, drama and other programs of entertainment may be considered a waste of time, despite the fact that it gives us knowledge when we watch programs like Discovery, National Geographic, History, Animal Planet etc.

(Above) This is a very long, difficult sentence. You should use some shorter sentences while you prepare for the TOEFL. Short sentences are often better than long sentences.

TV provides good things as well as bad things. The choice is yours about what you want to watch.

Plural:
many programs
One reason for television has not destroyed communication between friends and family is that television has so many good programs which make us aware about what is going on in world.

For example housewives can learn new cooking dish from TV.---- This is a bad example! You should write it this way:
For example, people who like to cook can learn about a new dish from T.V.
(This way, you are not suggesting that women should be "housewives." There is no such thing as a housewife in the 21st century, because we have gender equality now. Ha ha, we can say "househusband" instead.)

:-)

certain grammatical errors are promnent pls correct them. dont beat around the bush be laconic.try to keep your sentences short and to the point. when we read long sentences it gets difficult to analyse. 2nd para its "which make us aware". the language can be worked on. refer the gre flash cards and try to use better sounding words.

thanks
@divya2010: Can you suggest me, where I can use better sounding word in this essay? I will really appreciate your sugession.

I think that small mistake is forgivable in Toefl exam, but you should try to minimize your mistakes.

If you see some, please show the writer how they can be corrected.


Look at the corrections we made already, and type a new draft. That is the only way to practice. Here is another way to improve it:

But we have to be sure that it will not hang make us focus too much on low quality goods. like program and serials. We should not make allow ourselves to become addicted to television. If we can't control our addiction then there are also many other potential threats like computers, video games, the Internet, etc. which may be destroying communication between family and friends.

I don't think that television has destroyed communication between friends and family. Television may waste our time. For example, spending time in watching movies, drama and other program of entertainment, despite the fact that it gives us knowledge when we watch channel like discovery, national geographic, history, animal planet etc. TV provides good thing as well as bad things; choice is yours about what you want to watch. It is wrong to say that Television has destroyed communication between friends and family, because watching of television may give some knowledgeable point to discuss and it helps to make interesting communication rather than speaking about crap things.

One reason for television has not destroyed communication between friends and family is that television has so many good programs which make us aware about what is going on in the world. I think that up till now television is cheapest source for getting information, entertainment, news etc. But we have to be sure that it will not hang us on time pass programs and serials. We should not ourselves to become addicted with television and if we can't control on addiction then there are also many potential threats like computer video games, internet etc. which may destroy communication between family and friends. We should not miss our time which we should spend with friends and family. We should give more preference to our friend and family than television.

Furthermore, television is a good source of taking information so we should do proper use of it. For example, People who like to cook can learn about new dish from T.V., We can learn yoga form TV and there are so many things which we can learn from TV to improve our day to day life.

In conclusion, one should aware about which program in TV is good for him or her which will not waste his or her time, save time which should spend with friends and family.

@EF_Kevin : still househusband prefer to watch discovery and housewives prefer to watch serials and cook programs :)

plz.. check this corrected essay...

It's funny that you mention that, because my sister watches Discovery more than anyone I know, and her husband is a professional chef.

Consider this: part of the reason women watch cooking shows is that cultural norms apply subtle pressure to women, and this pressure begins at birth. Boys feel pressure to be tough, and girls feel pressure to be cute and submissive, good cooks, etc... but this reflects norms from a more primitive version of humanity. That is the way hegemony perpetuates itself, so we need to make a deliberate effort to free our minds of crap generalizations and stereotypes.

Now that we see how, due to our worldwide historical patriarchy, male tendencies to compete and dominate one another and nature have made it so that we are close to destroying the planet. We need male and female wisdom to both contribute in areas like science and politics that you might think are more suitable fields for men. That is why it is better to avoid making generalizations about which gender prefers which kinds of television programs. Let's not perpetuate the rigidity of thinking; as humanity comes into balance we might just save the planet and alleviate lots of suffering.

Many times, It is possible to remove "that" and make the sentence more concise and powerful:
I don't think that television has destroyed communication between friends and family.
Here, if you add "though" it will not seem so awkward, like such an abrupt thing to say.
Television may waste our time, though . For example, spending time in watching movies, drama and ...

...rather than speaking about crap things.--- it is probably not a good idea to use the word crap here. It's vulgar. However, I think it makes this a very cool sentence.

Don't capitalize people here:
For example, People people who ...
:-)