Television influences badly on children's creativity

tv content may harm children' behaviour

With the rapid development of technology, television has become one of the most indispensable appliances in people's daily life. However, some people, especially British parents, argue that televisions would damage their children's cognitive development. Personally, I think that owning a television at home will do more good than harm for children.

One of the most important reasons for my belief is that television is the most effective tools to inform children of the latest news and scientific development over the world. Television tells us the recent progress of researches in various fields such as information technology, genetic breakthroughs, and so on. These things can stimulate the imagination of children and encourage them to carry out relevant experiments, discover new findings in their study.

Additional reason strengthening my opinion is that programs broadcasted on TV channels enlarge children's knowledge of scope. Programs about nature and geography can inspire children to be more engrossed in exploring the world. Meanwhile, programs about adventures can cultivate children's creativity and the ability to tackle difficulty, programs about science can increase children's interest in science and technology.

However, some British parents argue that televisions have bad influence on children. A few imporper programs on televisions play negative effects in the growth of children. The shots about violence, crimes and pornography contents are making children walk on the criminal road.

To sum up, I believe that television will not harm children's creativity. But in the mean time, the governments should join hands with parents to prohibit the unhealthy contents on TV as well as control the length of time for children to watch TV.

Hi Iris,

I read your essay and I think that it is a bit unorganized. You need to consolidate some of these ideas. Also, its seems like they are just building on a previously proposed idea with minimal to no support. Find concrete evidence that can help you back the points you make and then present your argument that evidence.

Good luck.

Iris, in order to receive an accurate and appropriate review of your essay, you must always include the full prompt instructions and topic. Without that you work cannot be scored properly for task accuracy, appropriateness of response, and method or response. These 3 criteria after integral on considering whether your essay would pass or fail in an actual exam setting. Considering your overall response, there it's a lack of balance in terms of your discussion. In a 5 paragraphs essay you have to present the following:

1. Paraphrased prompt and opinion
2. Public opinion and reason 1
3. Public opinion 2 and reason 2
4. Personal opinion in coordination with paragraph 3
5. Summarized conclusion
Your presentation of evidence is strong in some parts, weak in others. This isn't bad for a practice test. You need to work on properly developing your discussion presentations to sound more natural instead of extremely researched and academically presented. Your con discussion is underdeveloped. All paragraphs require 3 - 5 sentences in order to represent a fully developed paragraph. Your essay cannot be judged for accuracy due to the reasons above. Accurate scoring is also not possible for the same reason.

@Holt
Thank you Holt for your review. I'm sincerely grateful. Firstly, I d'like to say that my full essay topic is "Some British families decide not to buy televisions because they influence the development of the creativity of children. What do you think?". I was so careless that I forgot to entail it in my post. Secondly, I need to say again that your review is extremely valuable to me, which will help me deal with my weaknesses. I know my essay is imbalance but in the 4th paragraph and the con discussion, I lost my words and did'n know what should be written to extend the paragraphs. Could you help me out?