TOEFL; Television Versus Friends and family

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television
has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use
specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
We are know that television provides us many benefits; it helps people relax, helps keep up with news, helps broad our mind. However, have you ever thought that television has destroyed communication among friends and family? I personally consider this fact as the harmful thing that television has brought upon us.

First of all, since people watch television too much, they can be isolated from others. Children, for example, pay more attention on movies, music show provided by television and do not want to do anything else such as going to school or practicing exercise with friends will be taken apart by others. Gradually, their friends leave them behind either activities or studying.

Secondly, with the rapid change of the standard of life, each family has three or four TV in each room is more common. Parents and even children do not want to communicate with each other instead of watching TV in their own room. As a consequence, children will learn behavior from what they see on TV not from their parents. Moreover, parents are not able to function their parental care as the necessary thing to children. In this way, communication between family members is visibly destroyed.

Last but not least, watching too much television people will unconsciously learn bad behavior that sow division among human. For example, watching film about terrorist children will be able to consider terrorism as a right thing. What happens if they do act exactly the terrorist in Hollywood movies does? is this one of the reason cause division in society?

In conclusion, though television has some good sides, it has destroyed communication among friends and family. We need to quickly find the way to address this problem as soon as possible and the first concern is to reducing violent behaviors that children learn from television.

Please correct for me.Thanks in advance.

We all know that television provides us many benefits; it helps people relax, helps us keep up with news, and helps broaden our minds .

I personally consider this fact as a harmful thing that television has brought upon us.

After this sentence but before you launch into your arguments, you should add a thesis statement that previews the arguments to come.

Last but not least, in watching too much television, people will unconsciously learn bad behavior that sows division among humans .

Thank you so much, it is all?..how about the structure?
" this will isolate people from other, damage communication among family's members and sow division"
Could i add this sentence to be a thesis statement?
And what is another phrase for " sow division"
Thanks

The structure will be fine for a TOEFL essay once you add a thesis statement to your introduction.


Instead, say "Television viewing isolates people from each other, damages communication among family members, and sows discord between groups of people."

I think using passive voice will be better:
Many people will be isolated from others in general and communication among members in families will probably be damaged in particular.
However, I think, the meaning of your sentence has problem.

My writing skill is not good but I am aware that your essay has many grammatical errors.
Thus I hope that an experts will help you.

Passive voice is hardly ever better. Every once in a while, one uses passive voice deliberately in order to create an effect or because the object of an action is the most important element of the sentence. But, for the most part, writers should strive to rid their prose of passive voice. Why, I wonder, were you thinking this was one of the times it would be better to use passive voice?

Yes, I will think carefully about the object.
TV view is important object.

thanks very much.

Thanks arsdtbk, but i dont like to use passive voice because it can make reader uncomfortable.
Thanks EF_Simone for your reading.
I must add these statement into the introduction?
This essay took me 1 hour to finish but the limit time for toefl is just 30 minutes.Could i write quicker?

Oh, I guess this is your first writing.
To improve the speed of writing in your exam, you need write as much as and read samples essays as much as you can, hence, your skill will improve naturally.

+ you can study through topics,to improve vocabulary as well as ideas
+ you should study variety of structures to write sentence easily and faster. For me, I read news on the internet,then, I noted good structures which were written by experts.

+ You can search and download easily a book: "Longman Essay Activator", it's many benefits.

Good luck.

Yes, just as you state your thesis clearly in your conclusion, you should also do so in your introduction.

Hi， I think some specific examples will better your essay. It sounds more detailed.

There are several things wrong with this. First, are there that many films about terrorist children out there? Second, your mistake in omitting the comma means that the sentence is actually a fragment. Third, even for someone writing a TOEFL essay, you are probably going to want a specific example of some sort to support this idea, as it is a bit too simplistic to stand alone.

I would leave out some touchy subjects on terrorism