IELTS WRITING TEST II, SEVERAL LANGUAGES DIE OUT

EVERY YEAR SEVERAL LANGUAGES DIE OUT. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS IS NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE LIFE WILL BE EASIER IF THERE ARE FEWER LANGUAGES IN THE WORLD.

TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION?

With the development of globalization, non-dominated languages are being neglected and gradually drift away in history. However, the benefits of having a fewer number of languages still outweigh the disadvantages. I generally agree with this statement, and three main reasons will be addressed in the essay.

If there are fewer languages in the world, the influence of language barriers among humans will reduce. People just need to learn certain languages, then they could communicate with people all around the world. It means that all kind related to translation costing can decrease. Because many businessmen do not need to pay this kind of fee again; the prices of purchases they sought are likely cheaper. The effect could not only benefits buyers but also motivate the transactions of countries. As the transactions in countries are activated; then, the government will have more tax money to strengthen the countries themselves.

Moreover, without language barberries, people could communicate more effectively. Citizens can share and exchange information faster and easier. It could minimize the fake news and misunderstanding between countries cause by intransparent information. Moreover, citizens can inspect their government more effectively, because they could get more information from believable news by other languages to find out the truth once their governments want to hidden somethings. This is the way to prevent corruption and dictatorship which can promote human quality.

Some people are argued that the culture of minor language will die out along with the non-dominated languages. I consider that this is a trend that we could not avoid. What we could do is to record the language and write down the history to perverse the language by our utmost for afterward languages specialists and those who interest people to have resources to search on.

In summary, having fewer languages in the world can accelerate the development of countries and reduced inequality. It benefits humans all around the world.

This is my first time to do iets writing, please help me:)

You gave the right discussion topic but the wrong reason in your prompt restatement. For comparison purposes:

OT: EVERY YEAR SEVERAL LANGUAGES DIE OUT.
YT: With the development of globalization, non-dominated languages are being neglected and gradually drift away in history.

The original topic has nothing to do with the globalization of languages. You have created a different discussion topic from the original. There will be a TA deduction applied.

OR: SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS IS NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE LIFE WILL BE EASIER IF THERE ARE FEWER LANGUAGES IN THE WORLD.
YR: the benefits of having a fewer number of languages still outweigh the disadvantages.

Another TA deduction due to incorrect reasoning representation. Your prompt restatement does not reflect the original prompt requirements. Therefore, you have created your own discussion topic, which resulted in a prompt deviation. Your TA will receive a failing score and prevent you from receiving an overall passing score at the end of the scoring total.

The reasoning overview in your prompt restatement could have saved your TA score a little bit if you had listed the 3 reasons for your "general agreement" with the given statement. In effect, the examiner has no idea if you actually understood the original discussion presentation and just made a mistake in the restatement, or if you totally did not have an understanding of the topic. That is why it is important to outline the discussion topics as you would in a thesis statement. In this case, there was no way of saving your TA score due to the incorrect rephrasing and lack of topic outline that could have shown a relation to the original discussion.

Your 1st reasoning discussion tend to deviate from the original discussion as well. What does tax money have to do with languages? Nothing. Not in the sense that the original prompt required. Your 2nd reasoning is somewhat related to the discussion so the presentation is acceptable.

You are not really outlining your discussion points before making a proper draft discussion. The third paragraph continues your prompt deviation discussion, which will further decrease your chances of even getting near to a passing score. Then your conclusion is less than 40 words or 3 sentences, another TA problem that will pull down your score. I have not even gotten into your GRA, C&C, and LR problems with this essay and already you have managed to fail the test.

I know this is your first try at writing this essay. Which is why I am direct to the point when it comes to your errors. Most first timers always neglect to appropriately follow the TA requirements of the essay, which is why the presentation always fails. You need to better understand, through proper analysis of the original prompt, how the discussion essay should flow. The outline I used above is something that can help you achieve a proper TA score to at least, get your writing off to a passing score start.

@Holt
Thank you so much~ your advice helps me a lot. I even did not notice that the essay was off-topic so exaggerated.