Ielts task 2: Many things can influence the academic achievements and emotional growth of a student

Ielts writing task 2:
Many things can influence the academic achievements and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do.

To what extent doypu agree and disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, whether the academic achievement and emotional growth are affected by students or teachers is a subject of debate. In my opinion, I firmly believe that fellow classmates have more of an influence than teachers do.

To begin with, students may improve their academic performance by competing among their peers through learning process. Every students have a desire to outperform classmates and try to make an effort so that they can receive higher academic achievement, which makes them stimulate their motivations. For instance, students who study the same English materials in class may try to practice more exercises and learn new vocabularies by heart so as to get considerble scores in an English exam, which makes other students feel motivated to try their best. This demonstrates that competing plays an important role in enhancing students' academic results.

On top of that, peers may have influence in developing emotional feelings by growing relationships among their friends. Children may spend a large amount of time on playing and talking with their classmates, which makes them control their inappropriate behavior in class. For example, students have a discussion about Vietnamese history by sharing ideas and knowledge in a teamwork according to teacher's requirement so that they can catch on it clearly. As a result, they will control their temper and get on well with other fellow classmates. This states that developing relationships by spending time on playing and talking with classmates is for children's emotional growth.

In conclusion, peers play an important role in improving their academic achievement as well as growing their emotional feelings.

=>> Is this essay okay? Please give me comments on it. Thank you so much ^^

In the first paragraph, deliver the subject of the sentence before the resulting action. Whose academic and emotional development ends up being influenced by these people ? Word equivalents you can use are learners, peers, young people. to mention a few. The first sentence lacks clarity because you forgot to mention the subject of the sentence. You gave an acceptable extent response, based on choices from the original. The thesis statement is ok. If you included 2 reasoning references, it would have been even better because of the solid discussion foundation presented.


Grammar problem. Every references a single piece while students is the plural forum of student . You cannot combine singular and plural references in a sentence. Use the singular form of students. Familiarize yourself with singular V. plural usage.

Good work keeping on track with your single opinion defense. You showed cohesive and coherent discussions throughout which will allow you to get a high C + C score. It works well. However,the concluding paragraph is less than 40 words. This means your summary conclusion is weak and could reduce the TA score in terms of reverse paraphrase accuracy.