Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Do you think people in your community are generally happy or unhappy?

Rozalin 1 / -  
Apr 25, 2024   #1
I think happiness levels can be based on numerous factors, economic stability, good relationships, and good health are three potential reasons for happiness in my community. To begin with, economic stability means most people have a stable job and earn enough money for their lives, so they are more likely to be happier. Moreover, necessities such as food, shelter, and healthcare are provided if you have money. Gradually, finances can help families satisfy their entertainment needs, like shopping, traveling, or developing new skills. From there, they can get rid of stress or anxiety about finances. In addition, it's so important that you have a good relationship. Residents in my community always get along well with their family, relatives, friends, and neighbors. For example, when someone has many people beside them, family, friends, and neighbors can offer encouragement, empathy, and understanding, helping individuals cope with stress, grief, and other emotional difficulties. From then on, people are able to recover their sadness and disappointment, as well as have a better mood. Last but not least, having good health also makes people happy. When individuals are in good health, they can engage in activities they enjoy without discomfort or limitations. Furthermore, a healthy body can help the mind function better, improving concentration, memory, and decision-making abilities. Therefore, people are more likely to approach life with enthusiasm and optimism, leading to a positive outlook and higher levels of happiness. In short, these are just a few factors that can influence the happiness levels within my community. I think we can choose other elements in life for pleasure to improve our lives.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
May 3, 2024   #2
The presentation is too compressed. You need to learn how to divide your presentation into paragraphs. That is, you need to separate the discussion into stand alone topics. That way it becomes easier to read and keep track of. There is also a lack of varied punctuation usage. You are limiting yourself to only period and comma uses. That means you are not making an effort to properly develop a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences in the presentation. There are also times when your word choices could have been better or more appropriate. These errors considered, I will still applaud you for trying your best to create a coherent essay. It is good enough for practice. You have to improve upon the problem areas I pointed out though.
Sakuradesu 2 / 4  
May 4, 2024   #3
You may wish to consider this commonly used structure to improve the organization and quality of your writing:

Introduction (Background information -> Thesis statement: state your standpoints and the layout of your essay)

Body (at least 2 paragraphs: each of them includes: Main idea of your paragraph → supporting ideas elucidating or clarifying your main ideas → an example to strengthen your argument)

Conclusion: summarise your thesis statement -> reassert your standpoint

Home / Writing Feedback / Do you think people in your community are generally happy or unhappy?
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳