The the throw-away lifestyle
It is true that people today consume a large number of products in very short period and then throw them away. In this essay, I will shed light on two main factors causing this practice, and also two major issues that come from it.
Perhaps the first culprit of this is advertising. To explain, the constant presence of adverts in everywhere has always been prompting vulnerable watchers to make more purchases. Teenagers nowadays, for instance, are willing to buy new generations of Iphone instantly when seeing their eye-catching ads, with hope that they would become more fashionable and have higher status, although their old ones are still perfectly functional. Secondly, it is the manufacturers who are to blame. In fact, producing non-durable products could help maximize the production expense, given the cheap materials and simple processes. Thus, products nowadays often have short lifespan and would be soon replaced by new ones.
The consequences of this problem are many, affecting all individuals and societies as a whole. To begin with, the over-consumption habit has led many shopaholic citizens into financial crisis, especially teenagers with serious credit card debt, leading them to depression and anxiety. Furthermore, since the number of disposable items are drastically climbing, people are more likely to end up living in land and water full of poisonous waste, putting their health into risk of serious deseases. For instance, many Vietnamese people have suffered from health problems such as diarrhea, dysentery after using dangerously contaminated water, soil, some even dead.
To conclude, the throw-away lifestyle nowadays could be traced back to advertising agencies and short-lifespan items generated from greedy companies, bringing many problems to people's finance and surroundings. Had it not been for better use of decomposed or recycled products and wiser purchases, our life will be more seriously damaged in the years to come.
@suong1510
Hi there!
First and foremost, I can observe that your essay is quite substantive; this is great. What I would recommend is that you try to incorporate more writing techniques that will elevate the tone that you use. As of the moment, it is observable how you use a more relaxed tone as opposed to an academic one. The difference between the former and the latter is that the structure of the delivery of the message. Compliance with the conventions of writing is also included in line with these comments.
Additionally, try to optimize the space you have in your essay. If you have noticed, most of my comments in the forum would emphasize on the idea of omitting unnecessary and irrelevant words. Doing this accomplishes a lot, especially when you're working within word counts. If you can remove words that you do not need (fillers/repetitive lines), you will have more space to accommodate to have more depth in your essay in the long-run. Taking a look at the content that you have, I highly suggest that you implement these procedures. A straightforward approach to writing will take you a long way - remember this at all costs.
That being said, there are numerous ways for you to approach the idea of creating more strategic structures to use in your essay. For one, you can make sure that you focus solely on content that actually needs to laid out. Another could be using terminologies that could compress your complex thoughts into smaller chunks of text.
Let me give you an example through revising a portion of your essay here.
Perhaps tThe first culprit of this is advertising. To explain, the constant presence of advertsadvertisements in everywhere has always been prompting prompted vulnerable watchers bystanders to make more purchases more.
... eye-catching ads, with hope ... functional. Secondly, it is the manufacturers who are to blame. In fact, pProducing non-durable ...
... often have shorter lifespans. and would ... ones.
Best of luck in your writing!
Hi suong1510,
Nice essay overall. There is a problem regarding the example in body paragraph 2.
I know that it's hard to discuss a matter at length and thoroughly in an IELTS essay. But bridging A and D when there are also B and C will cause confusion. Return to the example, it's true that air, land or water pollution is the cause of multiple health issues, but it doesn't necessarily mean waste (in this case, waste of human consumption, not industrial waste, exhaust, etc.) is the root of everything.
If I was in your shoes, I would talk about a very direct problem: a shortage of landfills -> the need for more land -> maybe the loss of agricultural soil, wildlife habitats, etc. I think posing the right question will help to impress the examiner (even though we, the test takers, are not judged base on our ideas)
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