Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

About My Times of Life - 'I had a nice childhood'


StwhWindresides 3 / 7 1  
Apr 13, 2014   #1
I had a nice childhood. I was born in winter and I'm a Sagittarius girl. People always say that a Sagittarius girl is the best lucky one. She never feeling sad for long time and she always get in touch easily with any kinds of people. But I absolutely disagree with that. I know myself well and I know I'm not the best lucky girl. Also, I just get in touch easily with people who have the same language with me. I didn't know exactly how much weight I was when I was born but I heard from my mother that I was so small then. At that moment, my family was scared a lot that my life couldn't last for long. That's why I always get the most special treatment from my family. When I was a baby, I cried very much. I cried for hungry or the weather was too hot or because of sickness and many tiny things else. One year after birth, I could talk some easy words. My first speaking was for my grandfather. There was no surprise. My childhood pertained deeply with the care of my grandfather. Because my parents had to work all day so they couldn't get much time to look after me like my grandfather really did. I could walk when I was about /one and a half years old. When I was a little girl, I had a short hair. And I used to wear types of clothes for boys, play with boys. I was quite mischievous.

And now, I'm twenty two years old and of course I'm an adult. I'm going to graduate from my university next June. I have prepared for myself necessary knowledge and skills. Also, I have taken an English course so I can get further on my career in the future. I haven't got a boyfriend therefore I have lots of time on my own/ to do some weird things, gather with my family and hang out with my close friends.

Orangeeskies 5 / 9 1  
Apr 13, 2014   #2
The essay is a bit wordy, try to eliminate filler words. It's a bit unorganized as well, try to remove some unnecessary sentences. Overall, nice topic.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 14, 2014   #3
I was born in the winter and I'm a Sagittarius girl. People always say that aand according to my people, Sagittarius girls is the best lucky one. She never feeling sad for long time and she always get in touch easily with any kinds of people.are the luckiest ones who would never feel sad and easy going with others.

But I absolutely disagree with that. I know myself well and I know I'm not the best lucky girl. Also, I just get in touch easily with people who have the same language with me.

However, I find myself far from that belief; I am not so lucky in life and also I do get on well easily only with the people who speak my language.
Apsari 7 / 20 1  
Apr 14, 2014   #4
I was born in winter and I'm a Sagittarius girl

... actually you have to make I was born in (the name of place)

She never feeling feel sad for long time

.

I think you must clearly to explain your self in the introduction.
aryaayra 7 / 19 2  
Apr 14, 2014   #5
Also, I have taken an English course so I can get further on my career in the future

..please use the punctuation in one sentence/
Also, I have taken an English course, so I can be closer on my career in the future .

It will be better if you write without contraction, because one of writing rules have to make clear what tenses are used. :)
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Apr 14, 2014   #6
When I was a baby, I cried very much.

.... well, this is not a very unusual thing for a baby. Lots of babies cry non stop ...lol :D
I guess it is better you tell something special about your childhood.
I cried for when I was hungry or the weather was too hot or because of sickness and many tiny things else. etc.

One year after birth, I could talk some easy words.

Again this is something quite obvious. :(


Home / Writing Feedback / About My Times of Life - 'I had a nice childhood'