IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - topic MEN and WOMEN (fatherhood and motherhood)

that role of fathers should be emphasized

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Traditional points of view that nature grants sacred giving birth duty for only women, so the following children rearing task will be also belonged to them. I completely disagree with this opinion because I believe that the responsibility of paternity in bringing the children up should be increasingly emphasized.

On the one hand, there are several reasons justify why not only women but also men need to have their duty to their children. Nowadays, women as well as men have to make ends meet in order to give their children a better life. Therefore, it is essential that fathers should share responsibility with mothers in bringing up and educating their sons and daughters. Besides, some people supposed that only when receiving love and care from both parents do their children grow up with the best personalities.

On the other hand, there is no doubt that role of men in their family should be made emphatic nowadays. Firstly, it can't deny that men have a positive influence on their children's sense of industry, competence, and responsibility. Fathers can help their children to learn social skills more effectively than mothers do is a particular example to illustrate it. Also, children can know how to take responsibility of their actions from their strong fathers. Secondly, males have significant influence on their children's moral development by providing models for their children. If a father shows violent activities to his child, it will affect her personalities and emotions for sure.

In conclusion, I openly advocate that role of fathers should be emphasized at the present time, also children need to receive love and care from both men and women in order to grow up comprehensively.

Trjnh, familiarize yourself with the use of indefinite articles. To be more precise, learn when you use "A" and when to use "AN". A is normally used when the word to be used after it starts with a consonant while the vowel ending ones use "an". In this essay, your indefinite article mistake was in the phrase "a example" which needs to be rewritten as "an example". While the rest of your sentence structures are not really perfect, these are more negligible in a sense as the mistakes will not impede the understanding of what you wrote so much. However, your GRA score may be affected by continued indefinite article, and other English grammar rules violations.

Your paragraphs tend to be more in run-on sentence forms rather than complete sentences written in short but complex forms. Do not mistake long sentences, separated by commas or without commas for complex sentences. Most students make that mistake as they do not realize that they are writing run -on sentences instead. Each paragraph should be composed of only one topic sentence, fully developed in presentation over 3-5 sentences. That is the basic, unchanging rule for the Task 2 essay.

Try your best to avoid memorized phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand". Develop a topic sentence presentation for your first line in every paragraph instead. It is better for your score if you say "In these modern times, fathers are just as capable of raising children as women are." The second paragraph could say "Women may be the traditional people who raise children but men have shown that a man's presence is important in a child's life." By using topic sentences rather than comparison memorized phrases, you get an opportunity to increase your GRA score.

By the way, you don't need to provide the reason for your disagreement in the paraphrase. That is a discussion better served in the body of paragraphs. Additionally, don't present a continued discussion in the concluding summary. There is a 5 paragraph maximum presentation for the Task 2 essay and the last paragraph is always used as the concluding summary that restates the prompt, discussion topics, and your opinion. It is not meant to create a continuing discussion as that creates an open ended essay, that lowers your TA scoring potential as you were unable to restate your own discussion, as required by the scoring considerations, at the end of the essay.

Thanks for your correction. It's absolutely helpful for me. And, could you let me know how many my band score is?