TOEFL topic: wheter or not to build a school in your hometown

Hello everyone,
I am going to take an Toefl test, but have no idea what leve my writing would be. Would you please help me to check it out if there is any problem. It maybe not that native I think, so I need your help, so please...criticisms are required...(including the introduction, ha)

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I come from a small village where education is a dream to most of the child. Actually, I was once been envied by my neighbor peer who is helping his father doing farm work now and not merely think about changing. Without education, it can't be true for me to take Toefl test and preparing for going abroad. So, as long as the sun rises in the east, I will surly be in agreement to the new hope school's establishment in my hometown. Some disadvantages of the school there may be; However, I believe there are far more advantages.

First of all, some ...

^most children.
I was once been envied by my neighbor peer who is helping his father doing farm work now and not merely think about changing.

You really make me suspect about myself. As I do not remember there is such an expression like "was been...."
I was once be envied by one peer, who now works for his father's farm...

I was once be envied by my peers who were eager to go to school.


It could not be true for me to take part in the toefl test and prepare for ...

It can be impossble for me to have such a precious chance to study abroad.

some mistakes you can find by using MS word.

I am going to change this one a little more:
I was once been envied by my neighbor, a peer who is helping his father doing farm work now and not even thinking about changing his life through the pursuit of education.

Without education, itcan't be possible for me to pass the Toefl test and preparing for going abroad.

Nevertheless, contrary to the belief of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the establishment of a new school in my hometown.--- some of your sentences are very good!! You will get very good at English if you keep reading English aloud. But I will add this:

Nevertheless, contrary to the belief of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the idea of establishing a new school in my hometown.
You agree with the idea of establishing it.

Considerable advantages would come from letting our children doing the housework and farm work while we save money by not building a school, but they cannot compete with the benefits that managing to site that come from building a school. All kids in the village, and maybe other villages, will be entering the school and acquiring knowledge they need; further development of the village and the future of their kids must be taken into account.

Well Blackbird, the embarrassing thing is I 've used MS word already. MS word just make sure I not make spelling and grammar mistakes, but I suspect myself whether my presentation is native enough.

Thank you, Kevin , I really appreciate the help!

i didn't check well for the errors but i do like your essay
me too i will take the toefl this year so i think that the eassay must be like this:

I come from a small village where education is a dream to most of the child. Actually, I was once been envied by my neighbor peer who is helping his father doing farm work now and not merely think about changing. Without education, it can't be true for me to take Toefl test and preparing for going abroad. So, as long as the sun rises in the east, I will surly be in agreement to the new hope school's establishment in my hometown. Some disadvantages of the school there may be; However, I believe there are far more advantages.

First of all, some minor disadvantages (MONEY IS NOT DISADVANTAGE , IT IS AN INCONVINIENT)to the proposal include the money required to build the school and the necessarily more money to keep the school running. Since the children in my hometown mostly have no money to pay for the pencil box, not to mention the tuition and books, which means more money is in demand to make sure the children get educated. Another drawback in building the school is the worry provided by some villager that if their kids go to school, they will have less time to help do the farm work and less chance to share the burden of the family in the future.

Nevertheless, contrary to the belief of many people is my heartfelt agreement with the establishment of a new school in my hometown. As I perceive the controversy, by going to school, the kids, by going to school, are well educated and can make a better decision between right and wrong, such as it is terrible to steal and it is always excellent to help others. Perhaps our kids can convey the brilliant spirits acquired from school to their family, and help build a more harmonious atmosphere, too. For instance, in a heavy smoker's family, the little girl may help her father get rid of smoking by explain to him that how harmful, she learnt in school, is smoking to his and all the family's health.

Also, isn't shortsighted to consider education is a waste of time? Education is a strategy for long-term development. For example, maybe many years later, some of the kids once cultivated in the school know how to set up a company and become managers, some know how to build houses and become constructors, and some know how to do the farm work in a better way and become a modern farmer. Once the kids grow up, there will be an impressive change in the village and surely will the village be more flourish.

Considerable though the advantages that our children doing the housework and farm work and that the villagers saving money by not building a school enjoy are, they cannot compete with the benefits that managing to site a school and all kids in the village or maybe other village entering the school and acquiring knowledge they need, when the further development of the village and the future of their kids are taken into account. In other words, if they consider about the future life of their kids, why don't they try their utmost to build a school and make sure their children being cultivated.

YOU HAVE GIVE INCONVIENT TO NOT BUILDING A SCHOOL RATHER THAN GIVING WHY YOU SUPPORT THE IDEA OF BUILDING A SCHOOL