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Not Mr. Towers, he and his family watched TV; Narrative Essay



CTowers 2 / 2  
Feb 17, 2009   #1
I found this style kind of hard. I know I have punctuation mistakes and probably more stuff wrong. Any help, tips, advice, changes would be appreciated.

Mr. Towers receives a call from his wife around 10 A.M. on a sleepy Tuesday morning in late January, she claims there is a winter storm warning moving into our area with dangerous icing potential. He hasn't been keeping up with the weather for many long months, due to his intense research and economic studies, however, he remembered the last ice storm he had went through and decided to heed her warning and headed to town for supplies. Mr. Towers dressed hurriedly and grabbed his candy apple red gas jugs and his deep baltic blue kerosene jugs and then jumped into his black and silver GMC Suburban and drove to Rusellville. He knew that his three younger children would depend on him and not FEMA or Uncle Sam, assuming the Ice Storm knocked out power and stranded everyone in their home for days.

Mr. Towers lives with his adoring family on a ridge in a rural part of the county, on an old country road without any yellow or white lines on it and barely big enough for two cars to pass side by side. The closest gas station and grocery store are many miles away, if the soft grey roads ice over, he and his family could be stranded until the ice melts, which according to the weather forecast could be many long days and nights.

When he and his wife first started living together, they lived in Clarksville, TN in 1994 and as luck with have it through the biggest ice storm of their lifetimes. Mr. Towers and his pregnant wife were stranded for several days with minimal food rations and without power in the middle of winter, which meant a very cold house and a few hunger campers. He would learn a valuable lesson from this experience, as we shall soon see.

As the Ice Storm pulverized Mr Towers' rustic red brick home over the dark 2009 night, the power lines soon gave way to the heavy burden the ice had inflicted upon them. He was awoken to the absent sound of a fan running and to the lack of any other sounds, Mr. Towers had been expecting them to give way and arose from bed and dressed hurriedly and headed to the garage, where he started up his Honda 3000IU generator and filled it up with some unleaded gasoline from his candy apple red gas jug. He then ran a few high amperage orange extension cords into his house and plugged his Frigidaire refrigerator and Samsung television into them and then started working on fueling up his alternative heat source: a kerosene heater.

It took nearly seven days for the power lines to be repaired and for his electrical service to get back to working order. Many families had to struggle to stay warm and had no way to cook or keep their food fresh. Not Mr. Towers, he and his family watched TV, surfed the internet, played Nintendo Wii and cooked in the microwave, for he knew that a generator, kerosene heater and some fuel can get you through a pinch without power, and had planned ahead accordingly, however, without the reminder and sense of urgency displayed by his wife's call, there is little doubt he would have been in no position to ride out the storm, while living high on the hog, because he would have been without fuel. In most cases, as in this case two heads are better than one.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Feb 18, 2009   #2
Mr. Towers receives a call from his wife around 10 A.M. on a sleepy Tuesday morning in late January, she claims there is a winter storm warning moving into our area with dangerous icing potential.

Run-on sentence (above) put "and" before she claims
Another run-on sentence: You need to end the sentence after research and economic studies and start a new sentence with: However,

Oops! In the first para, you start out writing in the present tense and then switch to past tense! Make it all present tense. Do you know what I mean?

Instead of this: Not Mr. Towers, he and his family, how about: This was true for everyone except Mr. Towers, whose family...

Good luck! You have some great sentences I especially like the first sentence of paragraph four:

As The ice storm pulverized Mr Towers' rustic red brick home over the dark 2009 night, and the power lines soon gave way to the heavy burden the ice had inflicted upon them.
akern 4 / 10  
Feb 22, 2009   #3
Your description is very good!
Yassin 1 / 5  
Feb 22, 2009   #4
HI,

I feel that you write such an excellent essay. I hope you will continue to innovate.

see you

bye
EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Feb 22, 2009   #5
This is a decent story. You're writing style is really good. You might want to work on adding a bit more conflict to the story, though. As it stands, Mr. Towers is warned about the ice storm. He prepares for it. He has a smashing good time while everyone else is stuck without power. Without a greater amount of conflict, the story is mildly amusing but a bit pointless.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Feb 23, 2009   #6
He hasn't been keeping up with the weather for many long months, due to his intense research and economic studies, however, he remembered the last ice storm he had gone through and decided to heed her warning and headed to town for supplies.

When he and his wife first started living together, they lived in Clarksville, TN in 1994 and as luck would have it, through the biggest ice storm of their lifetimes.

Just a couple more things here.

:)
OP CTowers 2 / 2  
Feb 24, 2009   #7
Appreciate the feedback. My teacher said I didn't have enough dialogue. I'm experiencing some writer's anxiety at the moment!
EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Feb 24, 2009   #8
Adding dialogue would also be a great way to add more conflict. Perhaps at the beginning of your essay, Mrs. Towers calls and tries to warn her husband, but he doesn't take her seriously at first. So, she reminds him of the previous ice storm. This way, you can change some of what you have already written into dialogue, which might save you some time, while adding an element of conflict to the story.


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