Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Two types of solution of solving poor.



adambacon813 6 / 12  
May 23, 2017   #1
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education?

Poverty on the planet earth



Poor has always been a problem existing on the planet. While some people argue that it is a good way of handling this issue that rich country should share their belongings with the poor nation, I disagree with this proposal and believe instead that it is up to governments of rural countries to take care of their natives.

Today, so many international charities over the world are legally running in order to eliminate this worrisome issue, the achievements are nevertheless small. In other words, even though thousands of global volunteers are engaged with providing food, teaching poor children, and even building infrastructures in the local every year, the lives of poor people are still not enhanced significantly. It is thus not only an unreasonable way of tackling this issue, it is also wrong as it ignores the root causes of this matter. Rather, governments should be accused in this matter.

Indeed, a government is responsible for improving the life qualities of its citizen. Its existence is to ensure a country can thrive. On other words, a government should not as a master of a nation, but instead being a housekeeper of its citizens. It must be working nicely in a country's infrastructure and services while its master citizen is busy doing productive thing so that the master and housekeeper can both enjoy their own home while in unproductive times. Not only should a government act as a housekeeper, they should also act as a guard. It hence can protect its citizen from offending.

In conclusion, wealthy sharing has a minor positive effect on enhancing poor nations' economy. As government is the root cause of this problem. Government should take all responsibilities to make its country prosperous. It is the key factor in the advancement of a country.

TJLuschen - / 236  
May 24, 2017   #2
Hi, I thought your essay was pretty good, though I wonder what if the government itself, through corruption and so on,
is the cause of the poverty. Your writing is understandable, but you do have a lot of small grammar and usage errors that makes your writing sound somewhat unnatural. Here are some specific suggestions:

Poor [Poverty] has always been a problem

people argue that it is a good way of handling [the proper way to handle] this issue [is] that rich countr[ies]

governments of rural countries {rural countries are not always poor and urban areas can also be poor}

with the poor nation[s ]

take care of their natives. {citizens seems better here}
are legally running in order {"working" seems better than "running", and why stress that they are working legally?}

and even building [infrastructure] in the local [areas] every year

governments should be accused {did you mean "accused"? This doesn't really make sense}

the life qualities of its citizen[s ] {"quality of life" sounds more natural}

On [In] other words, ... not [act] as a master ... instead [be] a housekeeper

It hence can protect its citizen from offending. {this sentence is odd and confusing}

In conclusion, [wealth-sharing]
As government is the root cause of this problem. {this is not a complete sentence. Use a comma to connect it to the next sentence}
OP adambacon813 6 / 12  
May 25, 2017   #3
are legally running in order {"working" seems better than "running", and why stress that they are working legally?}

I hold my view of running is better over here. As of why stress legally, as I think not all declared charities are not real charities.

governments should be accused {did you mean "accused"? This doesn't really make sense}

As of this comment, I think a government is accountable for fixing poverty issue of its nation.

By the way, Thanks for your helpful advises. It really helps me. So nice of you.


Home / Writing Feedback / Two types of solution of solving poor.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳