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Ielts writing task 2 - Various types of support for the poor countries


Maherbadran 1 / -  
Oct 27, 2018   #1

not only money counts



We, as people, are most of the time separated between rich and poor. As in countries where we see developed rich countries in one hand, and undeveloped poor countries on the other. Rich ones often try to help poor ones by giving them money, which most of times isn't that effective and doesn't solve poverty. Therefore they should find an effective way to help poor countries even more. So in what other ways could rich countries help poor countries?

Learning in poor countries is hard most often, people out there doesn't go to school because they can barely spend there money on food. For this reason rich countries must build schools that can provide good quality of education and make sure most of the them are getting educated and guided to a field that can be good at. For example the united states helped Syrian refugees to get educated during the war in Syria. So if every rich country did this to poor ones and helped them learning, there will be no more ignorance.

Another way of helping poor countries, which the reason behind poor people, is that they aren't able to work because the field of work is small and full. So instead of just giving them money, that after a while will be spent, rich countries should find a way to make most of the people enter the workforce to earn their own money. This will lead to a monthly payment for the workers and they will no longer be poor. For example Europe has a lot of workers from different nationalities that they was poor but after working for few months out there they became on the average.

As a conclusion, there are many different ways for rich countries to help poor ones, not only by giving money but in many more ways. And as the quote says : "You give a poor man a fish and you feed him for a day. You teach him to fish and you give him an occupation that will feed him for a lifetime."

MaruMaru 2 / 2  
Oct 27, 2018   #2
Hello,
I have some comment for you.
Firstly, in ielts writing, you are not allowed to write word form like "doesn't", you have to write "does not", "aren't => are not"

secondly, in your conclusion, you should paraphrase ALL main ideas you have mentioned before.
You can also replace the words "rich people and poor people" with "the rich and the poor". Your organization are not really good, you should place the topic sentence at the first sentence in each paragraph.
ronia85516 10 / 20 3  
Oct 30, 2018   #3
Hello!
I want to remind you that there are some grammar mistakes in your essay, such as: they was were / them they are
Plz remember to check again
Hammy 13 / 35  
Oct 31, 2018   #4
my comment to you is that your essay has 343 words if i count exactly, which means it's too long for ielst writing task 2.
i think you spent a lot of words for paraphrasing in the introduce part and forgot having the topic sentence in each paragraph.
hope u'll do better in next essay, fighting!!!


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