Undoubtedly, every mind has many senses, some use it in positive and some in negative way

Topic:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
My easy:

There is no doubt that both the parts of statement have important role in studying life as well as in usual life. At most of extent i agree with the both ways of given statement. Whenever i agree with the 1st part of the statement, that some people think that a sense of competition that generates in every mind at different levels like in children, it should be encourage. To encourage some children for competition is good way of success. Undoubtedly, every mind has many senses,some use it in positive way and some use it in negative way. To encourage their children for study parents seek or search some ways. For example if some parents say their child to do work hard which is only the way which you can succeed in future. But at that stage child thinking is no vast, he may neglects what his parent has said to him. Then there is an other way which parents make them encourage that is competition, this is very obvious thing which every child have to impressed by the marks and good position of an other student in the class.By making such decision he can compete his fellows at any cost. Then he works hard and earn good position in the class and become a successful person.

In the other way, when some people disagree with, what we have explain above, because they believe that children should taught to co-operate rather than compete which is main thing which can make them more useful adults. This is obvious that when we make mind of every child to compete his class fellows then he fully divert from the attitude of usual life, like co-operation with his friends, group study, solving problems etc. for example a child which think only about the competition, he ever wants to defeat his fellow in study and sports etc.

About my conclusion, i think both ways are very important about their aspects, 1st in student life and other in usual life. So it is the duty of their parents to teach their children in positive sense. They should encourage them to help each other and co-operate with their friends. These are the keys by which they can reach at peak level of success, and realize them competition mean to encourage his all fellows and does not mean to become selfish.

There is no doubt that both the parts of statement have important role in studying life as well as in usual life. At most of extent i agree with the both ways of given statement. Whenever i agree with the 1st part of the statement, that some people think that a sense of competition that generates in every mind at different levels like in children, it should be encourage. --------------I think it is better if you avoid refering to the parts of the statement such as " 1st part" or "2nd part". This gives an unfriendly or rather abrupt feeling to the reader.

I would suggest;
There is no doubt that both competition and corporation play important roles in the development of children.

he may neglects what his parent has said to him.

Then he works hard and earnsa good position in the class and becomes a successful person.

Then there is an otheranother (no space in between) way in which parents make them encouragedthat isby introducing competition

I think you have to pay more attention to your grammer and vocabulary. I would suggest you to write short sentences , one sentence for one idea, to improve your writing style.

Hey friend,

I have a little suggestion since De Silva has made several comments

At most of extent --at the most, or mostly

1st -- first

In the other way -- the other way, or in other words, or on the other hand

About my conclusion -- In my conclusion, or To conclude

thanks a lot, i will pay my much attention on good sentence and vocabulary also.

Great idea. I would do it this way:
At most of extent i To a great extent, I agree with the both ideas mentioned in the given statement.

Whenever I consider the first part of the statement, that a sense of competition should be encouraged, I think it is true because it promotes skill-building and effort. To encourage some children for competition is good way of success. Undoubtedly, every mind has many senses, and some use those senses in a positive way while others use it in negative way.

In conclusion, I think both ways are very important because of their various aspects, one in student life and the other in personal life.

:-)

"In the other way, when some people disagree with, what we have explain above, because they believe that children should taught to co-operate rather than compete which is main thing which can make them more useful adults"

I would rather do it like this:
On the other hand, some people disagree with the idea of competition encouragement when they believe that children should be taught to co-operate, which is the main thing to make them more useful in adulthoods.

thank you very much both Imnotjoln and EF_Kevin for comment on my essay.