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The less you use internet, the more you feel happy in life. Ielts writing topic

Huonglypham 1 / 1  
Nov 2, 2017   #1
- TASK 2-
Write about the following topic: "the internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades. Althought some of these changes have been negative, the overall effect of this technology has been positive"

How internet affects people?

WHat are your opinions on this?
Nowadays, We are getting used to using the internet all the time where there are plenty of interesting websites that attract us. We spend all our time on the internet instead of being focusing on the real life . It is clearly seen that the Internet brings to us many benefits but it also have negative influences for our daily life .|

Firstly, In the internet, we have lots of information to improve for work or study. We will save time because you can search whatever you want that dont need to find it in thick books or have someone else help us. Secondly, it is too easy for us to access online lessons so it helps to impulse our seft- learning. Through it , we also save our money. Besides, when we feel so trouble, we can use internet like the way to reduce our stresses in daily life.

By constract, internet makes our life so lonely and isolate. We take too much time playing facebook and game so we cant have time to communicate to family and friends . it makes us more unprecedented and shy when we have to talk to someone in daily life. Internet is just so comfortable for us when we have a friend who are studying oversea or being bussiness in another country and your ralatives who is so far to us.

By the way of conclusion, I only need to access to internet when it is really necessary . you should take more your time to share with and talk to people who around you. The less you use internet, the more you feel happy in life.
bullz 2 / 2  
Nov 2, 2017   #2
Huong, I think that you have to consider more about grammar and writing. I am not a grammar master, but some phrase feel odd to me and not formal such as : by contrast, by the way of conclusion, take more your time.

Also, you should more embrace your inclination of opinion. If you on more positive side, you could weighing more to it in last paragraph.
Your current last paragraph was concluding but it was not flowing from prior writing
OP Huonglypham 1 / 1  
Nov 2, 2017   #3
:(( It is the first time I've written the essay of ielts writing skill so I made lots of mistakes. Anyway, MANY THANKS, BULLZ
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Nov 2, 2017   #4
Hi Huong, I believe that you need to develop An idea in each paragraph instead of multiple ones.

For instance:

We will save time ... someone else help us.

You can continue to extend the idea instead of rushing to jump to the next one.

Hope that helps.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Nov 2, 2017   #5
@Huonglypham since this is the first time you have written a task 2 essay, I can understand how and why you made these mistakes in your writing. The first thing you have to learn is that the essay requires you to represent what you understood of the provided discussion by presenting the original prompt in your own words in the first paragraph. This is called a paraphrase and the score for this section is tied in to your Task Accuracy score. The one thing you cannot do is discuss the essay immediately in this paragraph like you did now. This should have looked as follows:

The past ten years have allowed the internet to seriously change the way people live. These changes have not always been positive but people still consider the effects of the internet as more of an asset than a liability. In this essay, I will be discussing my own point of view regarding the effect of the internet on the lives of people.

With regards to the body paragraphs, you really need to learn how to discuss only one topic per paragraph because you will be scored heavily on the Coherence and Cohesiveness of your paragraph presentation. You should be able to defend each reason that you provide (within one paragraph each for a total of 3 paragraphs) completely within 5 sentences. That is why you cannot more than one reason in each section. That is why your essay became hard to understand and follow as well. Added to the problem is that fact that you did not really state an opinion of your own in the first paragraph. So there is a missing "ownership" in the discussion. As such, rather than an opinion paper focusing on one discussion, you developed a comparative essay. So you ended up changing the prompt discussion. When something like that happens, the tendency of the examiner will be automatically fail your essay.

Here's what you can do to help yourself improve in writing the task 2 essay. Read the work of the other students here. They have all received advice as to how to improve their discussions and presentations so I am sure that you will learn from their threads. You can apply what you learn from them in your succeeding essays.

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