Writing Task 2 - Topic: Money
Question: People think that money is the most important factor in promoting happiness? Do you think people can be happy without money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
It is widely believed that money is the key to happiness. Others, however, argue that one can still feel happy regardless of being rich. Personally, I maintain that money does play a vital part but other factors can play a more significant role in bringing happiness.
To begin with, some people believe that the fulfillment of materialistic things can bring them happiness. Admittedly, money brings much comfort and confidence through fulfilling the daily necessities and expensive activities which create happiness for a specific period of life. For instance, rich people can afford any future medical expenses for their family members. Besides, in the era of materialism, an individual is usually judged through their assets. Hence, for a few, their happiness is spending money on luxury items, branded clothes, having expensive dining, and travelling to exotic places.
On the flip side, others do not believe that money is absolutely necessary for happiness, but the people who love and support them. For them, inner peace and meaningful satisfaction, which was brought by the people they care for, is more important than monetary possession. Moreover, some people can realize happiness through the charity of helping others. Some students, for example, do unpaid volunteer work for the reward of helping and bringing joy to others, and that creates their own happiness. Finally, excepted being rich, being surrounded by loving and sharing people is more precious than any amount of money.
In conclusion, for some people, money is truly crucial. However, I believe it is not the only vital factor in creating happiness. The world would be a better place if people realized that family and love give true happiness which can not be bought by money.
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Name 2 specific factors as required by the 2nd direct question. Your response to each question must stand alone in a sentence for clarity and response seperation purposes. Your combined presentation misses on the C + C mark. Prove your topic outline relates to the topic and discussion requirements. Do not use vague answers as those neglect to help your score increase based on the scoring guides.
You need not explain why and how money brings happiness. That was not part of the discussion questions provided in the original prompt.you made a punctuation mistake when you retyped the topic,which led to the irrelevant discussion paragh. This then led you to not respond to the first and second questions properly. The result? An inadequate response that may result in a failed essay due to 2 reasons:
1. An irrelevant topic discussion
2. Failure to meet the 250 word requirement due to the word deduction caused by the incorrectly presented paragraph.
You failed because you neglected to review you developed discussion against the guide questions. You did not realize your discussion was not on point due to lack of proofreading.
Thanks Holt for helping me. I'm reposting below my essay which I revised base on your notes. Hope you will review it again.
It is widely believed that money is the key to happiness. Others, however, agree that one can get totally happy regardless of being rich. Personally, I maintain that money does play a necessary part but other factors of life can play a more significant role in bringing happiness.
To begin with, although some people believe that the fulfillment of materialistic things can bring them happiness, it is not necessarily for others that they can not be happy with the little money. The happy feeling can come from different reasons which are not related to having money. For example, some students do unpaid volunteer work for the reward of helping and bringing joy to others, and that creates their own happiness. It can be seen that these students still feel happy through the charity of helping others, without money.
In addition, there are many ways to attain happiness through other aspects of life. The first way could be through doing exercise regularly. Scientists maintain that most people who improve their health by enjoying exercise everyday could be happier than people who never do any physical exercise. Another way is being surrounded by a loving family and sharing people is more precious than any amount of money. For some, inner peace and meaningful satisfaction, which is brought by the people they care for, is more important than monetary possession.
In conclusion, with some people, money is truly crucial. However, I believe that not only money, but the charity of helping others as well as doing exercise and having a supporting family can also create happiness. The world would be a better place if less people believed that money is all in promoting happiness.