Of all influences in my lifetime, Kai is the one I most admire. Because of his ability to adapt to his life situation, his determination, and optimism, Kai proved that nothing is impossible unless you don't try.
Kai's parents died in a car accident before he turned one. When Kai turned four, after a bad relief, his both hands were completely paralyzed. Since all of the daily activities to him were very difficult to do, schooling to him was just a dream, that could never come true. At the time for him to go to school, there were no teachers wanted to accept a student like him. Luckily, Kai was an intelligent boy who could deal with all that life threw him away. Kai undertook a skill that many thought to be impossible: Using his legs to do everything instead of his useless hands. With a brilliant smile on his face, he thought education as an opportunity to change his life, so he began to practice writing by his toes. To be able to function, he first paired a piece of red brick between the big and second toes tightly, then, he started to carve on the ground the twenty-eight-letter alphabet. Despite the toes felt painful, Kai still practiced day by day. The sinuous letters on the ground were quickly transformed into neat and pretty letters on a sheet of paper by his own magical toes. Not only using his legs to write, he also used them to do volunteer and help people around. Through his hard work, Kai was finally recognized and supported by an organization to go to school. He always tried his best in school. And now, he is the top student on the graduation's list.
Through many obstacles might stand in his path, Kai tried to overcome with his persistence and optimism. He stands as an extraordinary role model for me that I hope to be and accomplish in my life.
Mai, you can see the detailed corrections about your essay in the descriptions below. I hope you can follow through the feedback given.
1st paragraph:
- Of all influences in my lifetime, Kai is the one that I admire the most.I most admire
- ...nothing is impossible unless you don'tdo not tryorif you keep struggling.(just an option, you can use one of them)(you need to avoid using contraction(s) because it makes your essay looks less formal)
2nd paragraph:
- ...after a badconsiderable/deep/enormous/great/huge/immense/intense/overwhelming/tremendous relief... (relief cannot be collocated with 'bad' or 'good'. Those are possible options for a proper adjective which followed by 'relief')
- Since then, all of thehis daily activitiesroutinesto him were very difficult to do , and schooling to him was just a dream that could never come true. (unnecessary comma)
- At thethat time, for him to go to school, there were no teachers wanted to acceptteach a student like him.
- Despite theEven though his toes felt painful, Kai still practiced day by day.
- Not only usingused his legs to write, but he also used them to do volunteer and help people aroundin his surroundings.
- AndNow, he is the topbest student on the graduation's list.
3rd paragraph:
- Through many obstacles mightthatstandstood in his path, Kai tried to overcome them with his persistence and optimism.
- He stands outfrom the crowd as an extraordinary role model for me. Therefore, I hope that I am able to accomplish my dreams in my life.
Hi Mai, below are my contributions.
- Kai is the one I most admire the most. B, b ecause of his ability
- his both of his hands were
- Since all of the dD aily activities
- becameto him were very difficult
for him to do,
- schoolingstudying to him
- couldwill never come true.
- AtBy the time
- for himhe needs to go to school,
- there were no teachers who wanted
- that life thro w at him away .
- he first, he paired a piece
- on the ground the twenty-eight-letter alphabet on the ground .
There yo have it Mai, indeed, Kai's determination and perseverance to excel is a courageous act, an act that should be witnessed and emulated by everyone. Going back to your essay, I noticed that you are having difficulties in sentence construction, you tend to place words in the other side of where it's suppose to be. Practice just like Kai and be determined to better yourself in this craft and you will be the best.
