The volume of senior high school students who passed their exams, based on major and gender

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.

A comparison of the proportion of senior high school students who passed their exams, based on major and sex, from 2010 to 2011, measured by percentage is revealed in the bar chart. Overall, computer science took the biggest percentage of female students. It also had the largest gap for both gender. Meanwhile, mathematics, foreign languages, and physics did not show a lot of difference between girls and boys.

The three subjects which had the largest percentage were reached by overseas languages, mathematics, and computers. All of those subjects had the percentage above four in ten. Computers science owned over a half of female pupils, bigger than the females by 14.1 percent. Meanwhile, other two majors had a relative same proportion. Though, the percentage of males fewer than females at 46.8 percent for the languages and mathematics at 48.4 percent, it was only by 1 percent.

Other majors, at below 30 percent, were chemistry, history, and geography. The largest gap was showed by chemistry, the girls had almost twofold than the boy at three in ten. History and geography had proportion with range 20-30 percent for both sex. At the same time, in physics subject, the females got 36.7 percent fewer by 2 percent than the males.

• 
  The percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams
  

Hi aini :)

... from 2010 to 2011, measured by percentage is revealed in the bar chart.
you did not have to explain what the measure because proportion is enough as an explanation the graph using percentage

... gap for both genders
both is plural

... mathematics, and computers science

Meanwhile, other two majors had a relative same proportion.
i suggest to put at least the range of both proportion

You have a great flow of writing aini :)

Hi..if you look up on Cambridge advance learner dictionary, both comparison and proportion tend to have same meaning. Therefore, only mentioning one of them is enough. Here several changes AND an alternative overview I made regarding to your introduction.

A comparison of the proportion of senior high school students.....................

a breakdown of THE PROPORTION OF SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS PASSING EXAM IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT SUBJECTS, ACCORDING TO GENDER, BETWEEN 2010 AND 2011 IS PRESENTED IN THE BAR CHART. OVERALL, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF GEOGRAPHY, ALL FIGURES WERE DOMINATED BY FEMALE STUDENTS; A SIGNIFICANT GAP BETWEEN MAN AND WOMEN LEARNERS WAS SEEN IN CHEMISTRY.

Hi I want to give some comments

1. A comparison of (...) students .... measured by percentage is revealed in the bar chart
You have already mentioned about the measurement, 'proportion' is same as 'percentage'. It is extravagant measurement indicator

2. ... did not show a lot of differencedifferences between girls and boys
'A lot of' should be followed by plural noun

3. The largest gap was showedshown by chemistry, ...
If you want use passive, you can use be + v3.

Thank you
Keep Writing