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A Walk to Margaret Falls. (Due Monday) Proof Read + Editing for Descriptive Essay


PewPew 1 / 1  
Oct 14, 2016   #1
Hi guys! I need help on editing a descriptive essay that I am summiting for grading. It's only a rough draft, so there will be plenty of things that needs correcting.

If you guys know any descriptive devices that you could add to describe the essay, please feel free :)

Any thing will help <3 Comment ASAP, its due Monday, Thanks!

A Walk to Margaret Falls

With nothing on my mind, I jog through the forest, twigs crunching underneath my feet. Trying not to trip over myself, I take notice of the scenery around me. Trees were the skyscrapers of this forest, surrounding me from all sides. I notice the forest I'm in was nut-brown, filled with deciduous maple trees. It's truly a magnificent sight.

As I continue walking on the leaf-carpeted path, squirrels and chipmunks stare at me, hurriedly scampering away even at the slightest sound. The smell of the forest was fresh and organic after some light drizzle last night. Half-eaten nuts are scattered all over the pathway, left-overs from the animal's morning snack. I look up, immediately mesmerized by the morning stars, shining like silver snowflakes. The peace to everything was soul soothing.

Our family was on a mini-vacation to our cottage near Margaret River as a treat for my sister's 9th birthday. The cottage was quite isolated from the main road, leaving lots of room for freedom. Our backyard was the forest, waiting to be explored.

I woke up early in the morning, quickly telling my parents that I will be back by noon, and that's how I ended up by the jewel-blue stream in the forest. Apparently, if you follow the river, it will lead you to the majestic Margaret River Falls.

So I continue to follow the roads of the forest.
The river hopped over the rocks happily, curving gently through the forest.
The river drew me to a wild raspberry bush along the sides of the riverbank. I picked some and they tasted orchard sweet, immediately grabbing some more. I kind of regret not packing a snack for the road because I left in such a hurry. I realize I am pretty thirsty too, so I take a sip from the refreshing stream, the water tasting divine down my dry throat.

In the distance, I could see a family of ducks paddling on the water, enjoying their summer. I'm so tempted to spend the day here, but remembering my promise to my parents I continue moving towards the waterfall.

A couple minutes later, I begin to hear the roaring sound of the waterfall. Excited, I step up my pace and walk faster towards my sanctuary. The thunderous clap increasing in volume as I get closer and closer to Margaret Falls. It was growling and rumbling.

A board-walk rises from the dirt path, guiding me to the place I've been looking forward to the whole morning.
At last, I step into the clearing, right where the waterfall plunges deep into the small lake.
I gasp in astonishment at the clarity of the Caribbean-blue water. It was spurting and drizzling onto the basalt rock. The main, larger waterfall pounded the rocks, which was flanked by 2 smaller ones, equally beautiful. It tumbled down the mountain, ending at the foot of the mountain throwing up bubbles of spray everywhere.

The whole thing looked like a wall of blue satin threaded with silver.
The grass growing on the rocks next to it are nodding gently.
Flowers blossoming near the lake giving of a honey-sweet smell.
The frogs croaking nearby added to the harmonic melody.
I inch closer to the water, the air feeling much cooler. I instantly regret not bringing a jacket. In a pair of thin shorts, and t-shirt, I begin to shudder from the cold. I decide to not stay for much longer, and get a cold on my sister's birthday.

Not failing to remember to take pictures, I begin taking my last look of the magnificent scenery, memorizing every detail.
I pack everything up, bracing myself for the long journey of heading back to the cottage.

snowrussia95 3 / 4  
Oct 15, 2016   #2
Excited Excitingly , I step up my pace and walk faster towards my sanctuary.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Oct 15, 2016   #3
Hi JC, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, I hope you find this website helpful to your writing projects. Now, first things first, you nailed a "Descriptive Essay", you have elaborated the event in a way that each and every reader who will get a chance to read you essay will be able to understand your essay.

Furthermore, the essay is like I'm reading a short story, it can actually be labeled as a short story and though mI may not be in the position to tag is as such, I believe it has all the points to be one of those stories that you will read through as it is as descriptive as one can possibly write it.

Moreover, you made sure that the words you associate in the essay are very easy to understand, words where you don't have to look up in the dictionary and this is very crucial when it comes to writing. The goal should be, that your readers know and understand what they are reading and the purpose of the article that you have written. I hope this insights help you in diminishing your doubts about your article, believe me, I enjoyed reading it and I know it answered what is asked of you to write about.
OP PewPew 1 / 1  
Oct 16, 2016   #4
Thanks everyone! The helpful insight was greatly appreciated, Ill make sure to change it accordingly. Thanks again!
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Oct 19, 2016   #5
Hi JC, thank you for writing back and acknowledging our assistance here on EF, I hope your revision is going to be a stronger essay than your draft and hopefully the suggestions and corrections make it even more meaningful and even more joyful to read.

Now, as much as we want you to write as often as you can, it will also help if you read a lot, this will definitely benefit you in your future writing projects as this will open your eyes to the different usage of the words, not only in the sentences but more importantly to the overall impact of the essay towards answering the prompt.

Moreover, we wish you well in submitting this descriptive essay and should you need further assistance, I believe google always help, however, writing us here on EF will absolutely do you a lot of good. Keep writing!


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