She walked along the beach on a warm summer night. The salty mist sprayed her saturnine smile and the cool water splashed her ankles. Everything was bathed in the moon's pure blue glow. She stopped to feel the cold, damp sand beneath her, feel the breeze lift the hem of her short, sheer coverup to tease her onlookers at the bar nearby. Her long golden hair was gently blown back over her shoulders and away from her delicate face. Although the moment was anything but chaotic; the girl couldn't help but be helplessly carried away by the many thoughts and emotions that buzzed inside her. All the pain, longing, regret, and love raged inside her broken mind; but above all, Desperation roared its sad cry. She was a strong girl, fierce and stubborn but as she stood there, captured by her emotions, she felt too much and failed to be whom her mother tried to raise. The girl had brought shame to her once loving family the minute she placed her trust in her secret lover the night that booze and narcotics intoxicated her mind. From thoughts of the results she received in the bathroom she let her mind drift and settle on a boy; electricity surged through her body and sparked her lips as she touched them with her tingling fingertips, remembering the last time her mouth was passionately pressed against his. Desperation ignited the love in her heart and her whole body burned with one desire - one single need. She braced herself for the disappointment that would stab her as she reluctantly opened her eyes. Something else stabbed her when her eyes focused on the scene in front of her: Hope. The cruel, merciless bitch that sings to the desperate souls in their weakest, promising an escape from their fears and troubles. "Miles," she gasped as she ran into the forgiving arms of the ocean and she plunged into the cold abyss that seemed to her a warm embrace.
She walked along the beach on a warm summer night
All the pain,longing , regret, and love raged inside her broken mindheart ;
... why did you include the word longing? longing what?
She was a strong girl, fierce and stubborn but as she stood there, captured by her emotions, she felt too much and failed to be whom her mother tried to raise.
She was once a strong girl, fiercely and stubbornly defending her decisions, but as she stood there she was captured by emotions that made her feel guilty of being someone who destroyed her mother's hopes.
. The girl had brought shame to her once loving family the minute she placed her trust in her secret lover the night that booze and narcotics intoxicated
From thoughts of the results she received in the bathroom she let her mind drift and settle on a boy; electricity surged through her body and sparked her lips as she touched them with her tingling fingertips, remembering the last time her mouth was passionately pressed against his.
I feel this sentence is a bit too long. Like if you make it shorter.