Can you edit this essay for grammar and substance. Be as brutal as possible! Thank you!
"That woman never smiles at anyone or anything: ever. You must have been someone special to make her do such a thing. Good Job!"
Hours earlier, I walked into an elderly community having no idea what would be in store because I had never been to one before. The proctor thrust me into the group and told me to socialize. I met one somber lady who sat away from everyone else. I did not like seeing the shy woman being left out, so I decided to help her play bingo: the activity of the day. I tried my best to really get to know her, but was only able to extract her name, and what she ate for breakfast. I persisted in trying to strike a meaningful conversation while I assisted her in placing chips on the bingo card. By the end of the game, she slowly came out of her shell, and appreciated my relentless effort to make her smile.
When all the numbers had been called, my class said our goodbyes, and as I hugged the lady I played bingo with, a nurse aide that stood to the side pulled me out of the queue. At first I was terrified that I had done something wrong, but she only beamed at me. What she said next sat in the back of my mind for weeks.
Just as I had made that woman smile playing bingo, I want to make people smile because I made a difference in their lives. I want to become a doctor because I understand that it is not simply handing out prescriptions and memorizing medical terminology. The job is to treat the patient, not the illness. Interacting with the lady only confirmed my beliefs as I was able to brighten her day just by taking time to get to know her. As a result, I want to go to a college that understands this relationship and explores different pathways to solve the same problem.
What sparked my interest in Harvard University was reading an article about Dr. Steven C. Schlozman's fake zombie medical journal called "Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome." His exotic approach to zombie neurobiology fascinated me because I never thought that realistic research methods can be applied to folklore in such a factual sense.
With the intent of majoring in Neurobiology, I cannot wait to work with people - such as Kurt Fischer - who believe in a holistic approach to comprehending the mechanisms of the brain. In addition, I intend to join organizations such as the Harvard Society for Mind, Brain, and Behavior in hopes of understanding the evolution and functions of the mind.
After extensively speaking with the Undergraduate Minority Recruitment Program along with current students, Harvard University is the perfect place to expand my horizons as I set about to become a physician. The Mind/Brain/Behavior Interfaculty Initiative (MBB) will serve as a base for me to investigate the complex world of Neuroscience. With Harvard's holistic approach to tackling problems, I can equip myself with the tools to become a role model for this generation and the ones to come.
