IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - WATER USAGE in an African and south American country

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Please give me advices and score
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water consumption in Congo and Brazil

Catch a glimpse at the two pictures provided, the line graph displays comparison of water usage in entire the world by three sectors over a period between 1900 and 2000, and the table compares the amount of water consumption in Brazil and Congo in 2000.

It is clear that the total amount of water use worldwide considerably rose and the most dramatic climb was shown in agriculture sector. It is also can be seen that a much higher amount of Brazilians had consumed water in comparison with Congo.

In 1900, the amount of global water usage in agriculture sector stood at about 500 km3. The figures for industrial and domestic were lower at around 50 km3. By 2000, agriculture use of water rose six times higher than the beginning, while industrial use and domestic use reached about 110 km3 and 400 km3 respectively. It is also noticeable that, all sectors simultaneously showed significant increase at 1950.

For water consumption, Brazil which had over 30 times larger amount of population and size of irrigated land consumed 359 m3 per person, compared to 8 m3 of water consumption of Congo.

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Muhammad, when you write the outline summary of the discussion in the opening paragraph, make sure that you provide all necessary information from the images. Since there is a graph and a chart presented, each with specific information, that information should have been presented as part of your discussion outline. It should not be confusingly included in the body paragraphs. First state the complete information that you will be presenting so that people will know why it is relevant in the body of the essay. Since this is an academic essay, you are not supposed to use terms like "Catch a glimpse." That is informal wording. Instead say "Compare two images representing..."

It would be best if your were consistent in your writing of the paragraphs. Like I keep saying, a better TA and GRA score can be achieved if you properly develop each paragraph with 3-5 sentences in each. This is a more accurate way of determining your complex writing ability and English comprehension skills, along with your lexical resources, provided you write within the required sentences and paragraphs mandate. Your paragraphs vary in length and since it is mostly short of the required number, then your final score may be affected.

Your essay presentation is still a bit rough and can use improvement overall. You should get better over time. This is not something that happens overnight. So just keep practicing and we will keep reviewing your work for positive developments and points for improvement. For this essay though, I believe that you could be scored up to a 5 for this type of writing analysis.