Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

[IELTS WRITING TASK 1] The charts below show the comparison of water usage for three important


henryo2 2 / 2  
Aug 16, 2017   #1
Q) Please help me to evaluate this writing task

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.



Purposes for using water



The given pie charts show the comparison of water usage for three important purposes in six different regions around the globe namely: North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia and South East Asia.

Overall, in four out of the six areas, the agricultural part has taken the highest percentage of water usage comparing to the industrial and domestic sectors. While both Europe and North America have consumed almost half of their water for manufacturing purposes.

In particular, in regions like Central Asia, Africa, South East Asia, and South America, they have accounted for over 70 percent of the water usage in cultivation, with 88%, 84%, 81%, and 71% respectively. Whereas both Europe and North America each have accounted for 39% and 32% of water consumption in the agricultural sector. On the other hand, the domestic use has the lowest average of nearly 12 percentage of water consumption in the whole of the six areas combined. In South America, the household usage of water took the biggest part among the rest of the six regions with only 19 percent, while in continents like Africa and Asia both have accounted for 9% and 7% respectively. In addition, after examining the data domestic use in the pie charts of both Europe (15%) and North America (13%), it is easy to notice that they have striking similarities in the three sections.




Ahmad1103 1 / 3  
Aug 17, 2017   #2
in my opinion, you should change in some word about the percent. So you can change to using "a half or a third", for example. It can help you to show your vocabulary range. On the other reason, to explain the bar chart, we are suggested to use the proportion as many as the percent.
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Aug 17, 2017   #3
Abdul, your summary overview must include the type of measurement being used in the pie charts (percentages) and the three types of usage being presented. Remember, the overview summarizes the content of the pie chart and the vital information that will be discussed in the essay. This is a highly important part of the TA score. The more complete the summary, the higher your score in the end.

The essay needs to have 3-5 bodies of paragraph. The most ideal presentation has 4 paragraphs in it. This essay could have easily presented the ideal format if you had separated the third paragraph at the part that said , "On the other hand", because that phrase signifies a change in discussion topic, hence a new paragraph is required for that presentation.

Your connected paragraph sentences represent only 2 lines. You need to present at least 3 lines / sentences in order to be properly scored in the C&C section of the essay. If you manage to present 5 sentences, you will increase the possibility of your using more complex sentences, that could result in a higher GRA score for you.

This is not a bad presentation. It just needs to be improved in order to better your chances at a higher final score.


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 1] The charts below show the comparison of water usage for three important