Waving thoughts; Narrative Essay (Revising and correcting)

It's a homework assignment that got a 60 :( I got things like " run - ons" awkward sentence and stuff like that from my College English Composition Teacher, but I don't know how to not have this errors or how it should look like without them. I cannot turn in back for a grade, this is personal development, so no, you're not doing my homework... I know it's bad, I've been two years in the country and my English is still in progress, I don't want compasion for that but it's just so you know a why.

I appreciate immensely your help

Waving thoughts

Water, as plain and dull as it may seem, it has worlds submerged deeply into the darkness. I stare at it and its infinite motion and changing shape, the breeze hits my body kindly, the soft heat of the sun shines through my skin and I enjoy the calm and solitude of the beach, or that's what I want to think. I think about that day, and those other days, and many more, and I keep thinking trying to take away the thoughts themselves, because they hunt me and won't leave me alone, not since then.

Days were not much different from each other, but if there is something to highlight about them, it's those times with my hands clinging tight to bars, screaming for chances, and the end of those painful days when everything was surrounded by grey walls and a lack of windows. My memories were not enough punishment? I guess they were not, yet for me they would have been; even more than what I would ever be able to handle, I wouldn't need to spend 20 years to realize the damage ones can cause, the single hunting thought was sufficient to create nightmares, even with sunlight and solitude, and a beautiful beach.

The thoughts don't leave; my memories haven't been able to fade even after 20 years, each day they were submerging deeply in my mind, and my soul. It was one of those days in which the weather decides to be your best friend, I was young and wanted to have fun, just as any other teenager, and didn't realize that you are not the only one in danger when you cannot think clearly, or at all. The music was loud, and the thirstiness was fading away with a pretty much of alcohol and pineapple water, it was incredible, surrounded by that many people and dancing like it was no other day, it's funny, perhaps there wasn't.

Now the limit was from 500 to 650 words, and because I know that you probably (as my teacher) didn't get what was going on... The dude was in jail, 20 years, for the crime he commited, and the essay tried ( with no succes) to give out a moral message of how small things done without thinking can lead to awful consequences. The assignment was just to do a narrative essay.

Again... thank you

I did what I could to break up your long fragments. It has emotion in it, but could use more emotional adjectives. Some parts are too convoluted to tell what you mean, so I left those alone.

Water, as plain and dull as it may seem, it has worlds submerged deeply into the darkness. I stare into its infinite motion and changing shape, the breeze hits my body kindly, the soft heat of the sun shines through my skin and I enjoy the calm and solitude of the beach.

Or that's what I want to think.

I think about that day, and those other days, and many more, and I keep thinking - trying to take away the thoughts themselves, because they haunt me and they won't leave me alone.

The days were not much different from each other, surrounded by grey walls and a lack of windows, my hands clinging tight to bars, screaming for chances.

Were my memories not punishment enough? I guess they were not, yet for me they would have been; even more than what I would ever be able to handle, I wouldn't need to spend 20 years to realize the damage one can cause, the single haunting thought was sufficient to create nightmares, even with sunlight and solitude, and a beautiful beach. -- might want to make your point more clear here, don't really know what you mean

The thoughts don't leave. My memories haven't faded even after twenty years. Each day they were plunging deep into my mind, and my soul. It was one of those days when the weather decides to be your best friend. I was young and wanted to have fun, just as any other teenager. I didn't realize that you are not the only one in danger when you cannot think clearly, or at all. The music was loud, and the thirstiness was fading away with every sip of alcohol and pineapple water. It was incredible, surrounded by that many people and dancing like it was no other day, it's funny, perhaps there wasn't. -- What wasn't????

.... I feel it good to leave out the first part;
Even after twenty years, those memories still alive fresh in my mind and each day they wander across my heart and soul.
[quote=jorgearmando18] It was one of those days in which the weather decidesdecided to be your best friend quote]

Thank you all, just realized that I didn't even posted the full essay. If you found it nonsense, that's why.