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TOEFL: wearing a uniform by students, when they go to school, is a big timesaver for them

lephuc 3 / 10 3  
Nov 1, 2014   #1
Many people believe that students should wear uniform when they go to school. Others do not. In my case, I do agree with the first for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, uniform will help students concentrate on their duty, studying. When it comes to a student to decide what to wear every day to have a good appearance in school, just imagine how time-consuming it is. And that's not all. When a girl or a boy get dressed in a 'cool style' or 'sexy style', he or she attracts many curious eyes, and then the gossips. If students wear uniform in school, all that thing would not happen.

In another way, uniform-wearing will be economical for both schools and families. Schools have the money from selling the uniform and use it for maintaining the facilities. And besides, parents do not have to worry their kids will spend money catchingup with the lastest fashions, and because uniform is cheaper and more simple than normaldress, students can save money.Last but not least, uniform makes students equal. Indeed, when all the students dress the same, no one cares about their wealth. Poor students will feel more confident and the students from rich families realize that they are not special. And that is their first lesson about equality.

In conclusion, wearing uniform in school has many advantages, both visible and invisible. Because uniform is that good, students should wear uniform when they go to school.

@vangiespen: can you help me with my revised essays? Thank you in advance :)
TOEFL: constructing public transportation systems in cities is good?
TOEFL: working alone appears to be better. It helps us to be more responsible.

peyman_np 6 / 15 1  
Nov 1, 2014   #2
Dear Lephuc
In fact the first thing I want to mention is that the number of words can enhance your score exponentially. Your essay contains almost 250 words which is so few. One of my friend whose writing skill was not such good, get a 29 points just because he wrote almost 600 words in her essay. In order to this, you can provide 3 reasons, and make an example for each of your paragraphs.

All in all, your writing is not bad, you need to try more. Write 10-15 writing and try to correct them thoroughly by yourself. It will enhance you skill in a short time.

The main defect of your essay is that it is not well developed, for example after " Last but not least" you mentioned 5-6 sentences, hardly two of them are matched together.

peyman_np 6 / 15 1  
Nov 1, 2014   #3
I forgot to mention this, use academic words in your essay. Sexy is not such a word.

Besides, in the third line, " and, then the gossips" what? You know what you mean, but the reader just have information based on your previous sentences. Guide him or her in a appropriate way in order to get good mark.

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