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I went to Thailand this summer for a school service trip - Narrative Essay



Gilchrist2014 3 / 8  
Sep 16, 2014   #1
A time when I encountered a culture different from mine - Thailand Travel.

When I went to Thailand for a school service summer trip, I experienced a culture totally different from what I was used to. This seem very adventurous to me Not having any background in Thai, I knew this was going to be an interesting trip. Living in the small village of Udon Thani taught me a lot about the closeness of the Thai who live in small villages. People there were highly sociable and chose not to cook so they could eat out to eat at the marketplace and bond with friends and family. This was a rural area filled with farmers so they were really proud to show off their grains and produce to the tourists. While they had little to offer in terms of wealth, they offered us social acceptance and a warm place to stay instead. After seeing the way Thai people live, I've learned to value anything or opportunity i have and to make the best out of it.

Wanting to fit in on our first day there, we helped to build a house for a local family. Even though the work required lots of energy and effort, our teacher encouraged us.Her smile was a drop of sunshine on a cloudy day which made the day feel more like a relief than a headache.We actually did something new each day. The activities ranged from playing soccer with the locals or teaching the local kids how to swim. Language was not a problem for us, apparently the honest friendship shared between people overcomes that obstacle. On adventurous days, the locals would dare us to eat exotic food like larvae and crickets. Some of my teammates were scared to death. When it came to my turn, I patiently waited for what I was going to eat. I ate it as fast as a bullet and then I threw it all up when I finished. We were not used to it but we tried it just to see if we would like it. Plus we did not want to be rude to our hosts. So we ended up teaching them about America, while they taught us about Thailand. It was a fair exchange of cultures.

In Thailand we had 3 meals a day and snack or sometimes desert in between meals. Their foods are very different from American foods. Most Thai meals always have rice on the menu and are always cooked to be really spicy using a kind of pepper that can only survive in the tropical region. I loved their food. It seemed very healthy because it always contained all the classes of food and is naturally grown.

Before we left, we did "food on flip-flops" which was just a way of sharing food with neighbors. It then that we met an 80 year old woman who asked us if we had a cure for the cancer that ailed her. I felt sad knowing that she was suffering and I could not do anything to help except bring her food. On our last night, we participated in a traditional Thai dance party and lighted lanterns as a way of saying goodbye.

Encountering all these culture clashes, I was still very pleased with the hospitality Thai people showed us. They live in environments that will be considered as poor living conditions in America but don't complain and make the best out of what they have. On our last morning there before we left, we had a team meeting as a group to discuss the good things we liked about the experience and also the things we didn't like. Then we got farewell wristbands and said our last wishes. It was tough to say good bye. I loved the experience so much. It's one I will propose to anyone. Thai people are one of the best people I have ever come across. They are very hard working, loving and so welcoming. In America, my family has never had to build a house for anything and construction land is very expensive. Houses are constructed by companies or the government. In Thailand, land is cheaper and one has to build their own house to live in. I learned so much from this experience and also about myself.

I learned that I can be very useful in so many ways to any society no matter the cultural or language barriers and I wish people in America can be more hardworking, loving and welcoming like Thai people. America will be a better place. This experience changed my life for the better. It expanded my knowledge of how different parts of the world are and as a person. The best one week of my life.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Sep 16, 2014   #2
Gilchrist, just a few grammatical revisions and comments on my part. The essay is too long so I will try to help you cut it down to only the important parts :-) Please compare my rewritten version to your own and let me know if you like the changes. You are free to use whichever parts you want.

- When I went to Thaliand for a school service summer trip, I experienced a culture totally different from what I was used to. Not having any background in Thai, I knew this was going to be an interesting trip. Living in the small village of Udon Thai taught me a lot about the closeness of the Thai who live in small villages. People here were highly sociable and chose not to cook so they could eat out and bond with friends and family. This was a rural area filled with farmers so they were really proud to show off their grains and produce to the tourists. While they had little to offer in terms of wealth, they offered us social acceptance and a warm place to stay instead.

- Wanting to fit in on our first day there, we helped to build a house for a local family. We actually did something new each day. The activities ranged from playing soccer with the locals or teaching the local kids how to swim. Language was not a problem for us, apparently the honest friendship shared between people overcomes that obstacle. On adventurous days, the locals would dare us to eat exotic food like larvae and crickets. We were not used to it but we tried it just to see if we would like it. Plus we did not want to be rude to our hosts. So we ended up teaching them about America, while they taught us about Thaliand. It was a fair exchange of cultures.

Thailand we had 3 meals a day...

- This could have been simply covered in the previous paragraph had it been better structured. See my revision for reference.

- Before we left, we did "food on flip-flops" which was just a way of sharing food with neighbors. It then that we met an 80 year old woman who asked us if we had a cure for the cancer that ailed her. I felt sad knowing that she was suffering and I could not do anything to help except bring her food. On our last night, we participated in a traditional Thai dance party and lighted lanterns as a way of saying goodbye.

- If this is your concluding statement, it has to be revised. You cannot introduce new ideas and experiences at this point. Instead, make this a separate paragraph and then write a new conclusion that summarizes the trip for you.
OP Gilchrist2014 3 / 8  
Sep 16, 2014   #3
Thanks enormously for your feedback. i'll try the certain errors i have and also work on my conclusion.
vangiespen - / 4077  
Sep 18, 2014   #4
Gilchrist, I marked the suggestions in blue. Comments are in green. This is a highly improved paper with only minor corrections and editing needed :-)

When I went to Thailand for a school service summer trip, I experienced a culture totally different from what I was used to. This seem very adventurous to me

- I was feeling adventurous when I joined our school service trip to Thailand.
- There are times when you can combine 2 themes in your introduction. This is an example of that.

After seeing the way Thai people live, I've learned to value anything or opportunity i have and to make the best out of it.

- ... I've learned to value all opportunities and material things that I have. I also learned to make the best out of what I have in life.

I ate it as fast as a bullet and then I threw it all up when I finished.

- I ate my food in a flash and threw up just as fast.

In Thailand we had 3 meals a day and snack or sometimes desert in between meals.[ /quote]
- ... meals a day plus snacks and dessert in between meals.

[quote=Gilchrist2014]it always contained all the classes of food and is naturally grown.

- ... contained all the food groups...

It then that we met an 80 year old woman

- it was then...

Encountering all these culture clashes, I was still very pleased with the hospitality Thai people showed us.

- Regardless of the culture clashes...

On our last morning therebefore we left ,

build a house for anything and construction land is very expensive

- build a house for anyone...

Houses are constructed by companies or the government. In Thailand, land is cheaper and one has to build their own house to live in

- The statement about your sister not having to build houses for anyone is more relevant.

America will be a better place.

- ... better place if the citizens could do that.

It expanded my knowledge of how different parts of the world are and as a person

- ... and helped me grow as a person.

The best one week of my life.

- It was the best week of my life.
OP Gilchrist2014 3 / 8  
Sep 18, 2014   #5
It was the best week of my life

Thanks a lot. Your one awesome editor.
m924 1 / 4  
Sep 20, 2014   #6
For the first sentence, instead of directly restating the question, try to change it so that you are answering the question, but not so obvious.

Also you need more descriptions: I want to know more about your trip and you can imply what you learned through telling a more detailed story. I advise you to write to the prompt limit.


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