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Words effect (Cause and Effect essay - Power of words)


bilal ABUZENAH 15 / 81  
Mar 12, 2010   #1
Cause and Effect - Power of words.
write about a specific word that has an effect on you.

any criticize will be appreciated.

Words in general have different impacts on people. Some words could have
positive effects on a person's life; on the other hand, other words could have negative
impacts on person's life. The word orphan has a big effect on my life, but fortunately the
impacts of the word were much constructive to me than destructive. In my native culture
it was very offensive to be called an orphan. It is not shame to be an orphan, but I felt that
it was shame to be called an orphan.

After I was born, my family emigrated-from Palestine to Jordan. Our financial
situation was very bad, and we could barely cover our expenses; therefore, my father
made his decision to go to America because he thought he might get a good opportunity
to support us and satisfy our needs. So we were going to live without a father for a period
of time.

After my father left us, everything had changed. We were like cattle that were left
by the shepherd sight, we did not have any clue about what to do next, but sometimes
later we used to the situation and we handle it. One day while I was walking home, a little
child shouted at me and said "orphan" and fled to his home like a little kitty. That word
shocked me and smashed my heart, like a burglar breaking a glasses to get into a house.
At night when I went sleep, I started thinking about my self and asking "Am I an orphan?
And what was it mean to be an orphan?" Unfortunately, I did not find an answer to any of
my questions.

I started to be lonely and like to be isolated from the others. At home, I had less
contact with my family, even when it came to eating or watching TV. I used to kill
my time by reading books, writing or playing chess. I spent my whole time in my room
which was like a cage, but with an opened door. At the school, I used to sit in the front so
I would avoid talking to the other children, and if there was any group work I would
choose the smallest group in numbers. None of my family or teachers noticed what I was
doing to myself, my family thought that I was just busy with the school. And my teachers
thought that I had a personal case which I could not share with them. Unfortunately both
were wrong.

One day, I woke up at midnight and started wondering about what I was doing to
my self. Everything was happening to me as a result of that word. "That is crazy, and I
must change myself," I said. At that moment I felt like a new baby who was born. That night was a shifting point in my life. I was not any more locking myself in my room and I

felt freer, like a German guy after the Berlin Wall fell down. Moreover, I noticed that I
had gained more knowledge than before. The knowledge I gained resulted from reading
the books while I was locking my self in my room. Something else was that I became a
professional in chess game and using the computer. All of this happened because of the
isolation that I had before, which I think were constructive to me not destructive.

After I had this experience, I realized that words have power, and this power
could affect you in many ways. So you should be smart enough to avoid the negative
effects of words, and try to have the positive effects which could change your entire life
from the worse to the better.

djanat 19 / 29  
Mar 12, 2010   #2
when i began reading your essay , the introduction seemed to me a bit weaky but when i red the rest of your essay, believe me i could nt stop reading

what is good in your essay is that your express very well in english. you use a very strong vocabulary with a few mitakes. you have the capacity to organize the events without bieng boring.

what is bad , i do nt know i i can say that but , you have to check how to write a cause/effect essay

according to my writing course ,they taught us that cause/effect essay is as the following

introduction
effect 1
effect 2
effect 3
conclusion

you have check also ifyou could talk about you own expeience
OP bilal ABUZENAH 15 / 81  
Mar 12, 2010   #3
thank a lot...

what my teacher said is:

Introduction whit clear thesis statement.
Body paragraph 1:
Topic sentence/main Idea:
Supporting ideas/examples/evidence.

Body paragraph 2:
Topic sentence/main Idea:
Supporting ideas/examples/evidence.
Body paragraph 3:
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 13, 2010   #4
I would get rid of the unclear, ambiguous stuff at the start, and begin with this powerful sentence:
Words in general have different impacts on people. Some words could have
positive effects on a person's life; on the other hand, other words could have negative
impacts on person's life.
The word "orphan has a big effect on my life, but...

See, that is a strong way to start an essay!

After my father left us, everything had changed. We were like cattle that were abandoned by the shepherd; sight, we did not have any clue about what to do next, but sometimes

later we got used to the situation and we handled it. One day while I was walking home, a little child shouted at me and said "orphan" and fled to his home like a little kitty. ----- this is a great description.

At the school, I used to sit in the front so
I would avoid talking to the other children, and if there was any group work I would
choose the smallest group in numbers.

This is a fascinating concept. Some people sit at the front of the class because they are serious students, but you sat at the front to avoid the others. And I bet you were a serious student, too.

All of this happened because of the isolation that I experienced before, which I think proved to be constructive rather than destructive.


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