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TOEFL Essay "Work by hand OR machine"


ana_p 27 / 81  
May 7, 2012   #1
Hi,

Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Life is changing very fast day by day. People started using computers, machines and new technologies to complete their work which helps them to save their time. There are many people who do not accept these new technologies immediately. They need some time to understand that technologies so they prefer to work by hand and some people like to work by hand because this keeps them busy. On the other hand young generations like to use new technologies therefore they prefer to choose work by machines.

I would like to work by using machine. Now a day everyone wants everything instant and everyone wants to win the race of life. Technology has developed a lot for example earlier people used to send a mail by post that took too many days, but nowadays with help of internet you can send that mail in a minute without wasting a time. In early days, when there were no computers people used to do a paper work in office which was taking large storage but nowadays computer can save same or more data in a small chip. By this way, with the help of computers and internet you can save your most valuable time and energy.

I remember, when my mother used to cook in kitchen, she had to cut the vegetables and grind the spice by hand and she was spending her most of the time in kitchen only, but nowadays scenario has changed machines like grinder, food processor, microwave and oven makes all these work easy. These are not only save our time but also energy. I believe that, if machines can save our time and energy then why should we waste our time and energy by doing the same work by hand. We can use that time and energy in some other work.

Some people like to do their work by hand. There are many reasons behind this like they believe that they can save some energy and doing work by hand relaxes their body. Many old age people like to do their work by hand which keeps them busy.

Thanks,
Ana
BachChaconne2 1 / 95 19  
May 8, 2012   #2
I don't feel like you made a convincing enough argument to show readers why you prefer using machines. Use more of your own experiences to cite specific reasons and examples.
OP ana_p 27 / 81  
May 8, 2012   #3
Hi Michael,

1. very fast day by day Does it require 'day by day' only OR it is completely wrong? I didn't get it can you please explain me?

2. In my first para, I tried to compare both ideas i.e. work by hand and work by machine. I never thought in readers point of view.

3. "everyone wants to win the race of life" means everyone wants to be a topper in this competitive world. I didn't mention any supporting sentence that's why there no link for that.

I'll try to arrange my ideas in a proper sequence.
4. "but nowadays scenario" ...? I didn't get it again please explain me.

I will try to write by considering readers point of view.

Thank you so much,
Ana.
BachChaconne2 1 / 95 19  
May 8, 2012   #4
1. very fast day by day Does it require 'day by day' only OR it is completely wrong? I didn't get it can you please explain me?

It's not wrong, but you could simply say "quickly everyday."

2. In my first para, I tried to compare both ideas i.e. work by hand and work by machine. I never thought in readers point of view.

Yes, it's important that you take into consideration the expectations of your reader. When you write, pretend you're having a discussion with them. Imagine questions that he or she may ask about the topic.

3. "everyone wants to win the race of life" means everyone wants to be a topper in this competitive world. I didn't mention any supporting sentence that's why there no link for that.

People may have different interpretations about what they want out of life. Remember to be precise and persuasive in your writing. Consider that anyone who reads your paper will undoubtedly have different cultural, economic, and educational backgrounds; therefore, you should construct your essay accordingly.

4. "but nowadays scenario" ...? I didn't get it again please explain me. [/quote]

People won't typically say "but nowadays scenario." I understood what you intended to convey, though. Remove "scenario" and leave it as "but nowadays."

Can't wait to read your next draft!
kimuratakuya 10 / 32  
May 11, 2012   #5
1. Your first paragraph is somewhat redundant because you have put much word on the background while you only need to clarify ehy you support your claim.

2. You should give more details in the body part. For instance,in the second paragraph, instead of strssing 'fast' repeatedly, you should give some facts about how fast it is.
sushiking 6 / 6  
May 11, 2012   #6
I think the first paragraph is good. Better than the first one.. :)

This is the main reason whyTherefore I likeprefer to work, using machine. (In early days, there were no machines no technology was developed as today so people used to work by hand.) I don't think you need this...

In my view, doing work by machine is much more convenient and faster

Albeit these machines are part of expenses, it's worth it as those machines save times

I am in the habit of using these machines. I cannot imagine my life without machines. It will be hard to live without machines. ( This won't helps in your score, please don't write this )

Devices like computer, Xerox machines and Scanner these are machines which are very useful in our daily office works

Be careful with all those grammar mistakes and sentence structures.. Thanks
goku123 8 / 16  
May 12, 2012   #7
It seems that the conclusion is too short to be good.

If you have enough time, try to explain more and emphasize your position.
tormented chap - / 6  
May 12, 2012   #8
From day first,man has been striving to make his life comfortable.Over the centuries,people have thought of comfort as the ultimate goal of their lives.To achieve this end,they have used both their mental and physical energies regularly.Now,the human race has reached a stage where it can utilize a lot of things,quite effectively,for its own purpose.A major portion of these things is composed of the machines that man has been able to invent by using scientific techniques.With the advancement of technology,a question has arouse whether these machines are capable of doing the day to day activities of humans or man should do his work by his own bare hands?I m of the view that machines can perform a lot of activities more suitably and perfectly than human.

*Its only the opening paragraph...I will write the rest later.*
OP ana_p 27 / 81  
May 14, 2012   #9
Thanks Chia-Jun Hsieh & Adil.

To Adil: I like your intro para. I will also try to write something like that.

Thanks,
Ana.


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