workers commuting to work. IELTS Writing Task 1 - Paraphrasing INTRODUCTION

+ This is the question:
The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030.

+ And this is my answer:
Allocated is the chart revealing how many workers on the average have commuted everyday by three different means of transport, namely car, bus and train over the course of 60 years starting in 1970.

I am not sure about the way paraphrase this question, please correct my grammar mistakes (if any)
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR HELP!

Thao, always attach the image of the summary you are writing, even if you are only asking for advice regarding the paraphrased opening. That is because the chart contains all of the information that needs to be reflected in your restatement. Right now, I cannot tell if you accurately represent all of the information for a paraphrased statement or not. However, I will try and show you how to properly paraphrase the instructions given what you have provided above.

The graph indicates the number of commuters in the UK. The information is related to the mode of travel most popular in the UK which are by car, bus, or train. The comparison for the number of travelers for each transport style is compared for the years 1970 and 2030.

Your opening statement should never be shorter than 3 sentences in order to qualify as a properly developed paragraph. Whenever possible, aim to write 5 paragraphs in order to increase the possibility of a better score.

@Holt
This is my very first time asking question in this forum. Thank you for your helpful answer. I learnt a lot from your idea.

I just attached a image which is the full question. I prefer writing one-sentence introduction, so please correct my answer. Thank you for your kindness!!!

Allocated is the chart revealing how many workers on the average have commuted everyday by three different means of transport, namely car, bus and train over the course of 60 years starting in 1970 in the United Kingdom.

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Thao, I have already corrected your one sentence opening statement in my previous thread. So I will not be giving you a second example in this response. However, I will caution you against continuing your preferred since sentence opening statement. The IELTS test requires a minimum of 3 sentences, maximum of 5 per paragraph. That is how your English comprehension, sentence development, and written abilities are scored. So even while you prefer to write only single sentence for the introduction, you should not do it. That will immediately lower your overall score and could result in your failing the exam. By the way, this is your final free advice for this thread. I will not be responding to you anymore regarding your work in this section. If you feel that you need to continue this discussion with me, sign up for the Urgent thread where I can continue to discuss this essay with you.