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Is working in a friendly environment and doing things which you like, the main factor to be happy?


Dioba 7  
Nov 19, 2016   #1
Certain people believe that to become the happiest person, you should have an occupation your love doing while the others argue that additional aspects are more crucial. Whereas, a person can be happy if they have a job which their love, I keen on to agree with the statement that there are several issues that encourage a person to become happy.

On the one hand, loving their own occupation can makes employees more enjoy and raise their work spirit and ethic of work. Moreover, when they enjoy with the tasks on their job, automatically the work atmosphere will makes them comfortable and finish every tasks with ease. As a result, it leads to increase of their outcome for their company and personal satisfaction. For illustrate, my personal experience when I was worked with my lecture. I love to do an engineering project and I worked as a ship designer because that is my passion. When I got several tasks to draw several parts of system, I can finish my job earlier than the deadline because that is my enthusiasm.

However, salary, career advancement and work hour are the others aspects which can make people happy in their job although they do not love what they do. Their priority is to get their purpose as a result from their effort such to improve their position in the company with a short time. For instance, a woman as a mother with 5 sons and daughters, prefer to choose teacher as their occupation rather than a career woman because teacher has flexible time and condition to teach their students and she still can nurture her children at the same time.

Taking everything into consideration, there are several factors can make a person happy with their occupation although they do not love what their do. Personally, all of those aspects are the essential factors we can consider about that, so we can get the best resolution for our job in the future.
sinahector  
Nov 19, 2016   #2
Hi
you should have an occupation that you enjoy doing (I think this is a better choice)
which theirthey love
employees (feel) more enjoyable (maybe more energetic is a better choice) and
when they enjoy with the tasks on their job
work atmosphere will makes them
ForTo illustrate,
work hour are the others aspects
from their effort such to improve their position
because working as a teacher has flexible
faizunaa17  
Nov 19, 2016   #3
HELLO DIOOOO

... have an occupation your THAT YOU LOVE doing TO DO while the others ...
1. YOUR IS USED FOR OWNED (KEPEMILIKAN), IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE

2. TO DO : MORE APPROPRIATE

Whereas, a person can be happy if they have a job which their they love
3. YOU SAID A PERSON (SINGULAR), BUT WHY USE "THEY" (PLURAL) as your PRONOUN

4. THEIR + NOUN (REFER TO OWNERSHIP)
Anna94 3  
Nov 19, 2016   #4
HELLO, HERE ARE MY SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU...

... have an occupation your love doing (you love to do) while the others ...
Whereas, a person can be happy if they (you mention the same subject, but it is not similar [People>>they, a person>> he/she]) have a job (...), I keen on to agree

... own occupation can makes (modals+v1) employees more enjoy ...
... the work atmosphere will makes them comfortable and finish every tasks with ease (easy).
... experience when I was worked with my lecture.
... a ship designer because that is (WAS ) my passion.
... parts of system, I can (COULD) finish my job (...) because that is (WAS) my enthusiasm. (YOU TOLD US YOUR EXPERIENCE, SO YOU HAVE TO USE PAST TENSE )

... hour are the others aspects which can (...) their job although (comma here ) they do not ...
Their priority is (ARE ) to get their purpose as ...

Taking everything into consideration, there are several factors can make a person happy with their occupation although they do not love what their do. (it is better, if you paraphrase the sentences)

GLUCK ^^~
septiadara29 9  
Nov 19, 2016   #5
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

Introduction:
(1) you should have an occupation that your love doing...
(2) while the others argue that ...
(3) Whereas, a person can be happy if they have a job which their love(repetitive sentence),
Whereas I keen on to agree with the first notion that there are several issues to encourage a person ...

Body 1:
(4) On the one hand --> (You should only use this sentence if you have stated contradiction before
(5) ... can makes employees more enjoy and raise their work spirit and ethic of work .
(Remember about parallel structure)
(6) I reccomend you to give a brief summary in last body paragraph 1 to emphasize your opinion

Body 2:
(7) ... and work hour are the others aspects...
(8) ... she still can still nurture her children ...
faizunaa17  
Nov 20, 2016   #6
Hello dioba, because it's a lot of comment here, i will give only suggestion in your conclusion:

..., there are several factors THAT can make a person (...) do not love what theirTHEY do.
... are the essential factors, SO / AND we can consider about that, so weEVEN can get the best ...

1. THAT -----> CONNECTOR

2. THEIR is used for OWNERSHIP, do ---> verb, so change into THEY DO

3. ALL OF THE ASPECTS (SUBJECT) + ARE (BE that act as VERB) + THE ESSENTIAL FACTORS (OBJECT) ----> you must add connector SO / AND here

4. EVEN ---> TO AVOID REPETITION, BECAUSE IT IS ALREADY USED BEFORE. \

Overall you must still study about grammar. Good Luck


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