IELTS: Young careless drivers_agree?

Young drivers are careless and overconfident, and too many are killed in accidents. To eliminate this problem, we could teach children the skills of safe driving while they are at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is indisputable that the number of road accidents is on the increase, many of which are encountered by young, careless and overconfident drivers. As a result, many people believe that teaching school children safe driving skills is imperative to eliminate the problem. However, I do not entirely agree with this statement.

First and foremost, it is crucial to acquaint children with safe-driving skills through lessons at school. Such lessons can familiarize them with basic traffic rules that they must not break, for example: you are to stop at red lights or follow road signs and the instructions of traffic wardens. Strictly following the regulations can prevent young drivers from getting involved in a collision to a certain extent. Besides, lessons on the skills of driving safely will make them aware of factors that have impacts on their driving such as bad weather conditions, road shortcomings or vehicle malfunctions. These are essential elements to be concerned if one wants to travel safely. For those two reasons, I am of the opinion that it is necessary to let school children know about safe driving skills.

Nevertheless, I am also convinced that mere skills are not enough to completely eliminate the problem. As a matter of fact, promoting self-awareness is another important point to be considered. Children must know about the severe consequences of road accidents that happened to other people and how badly they have affected the victims' families by watching videos or pictures of them for instance. This will make them mindful of how precious life is, and therefore they will become more cautious drivers so as to protect themselves as well as others. Thereby, I believe that boosting school children's awareness of accidents' effects is also important.

In conclusion, it is concerning that many young drivers are inattentive and overconfident, causing them thousands of deaths every year. Consequently, lessons on safe driving skills should be available at schools along with other measures considered. If people do not take this problem seriously and not try to tackle it, the extent on which the matter influence may increase immensely.

Currently there are 349 words in this essay and I'm afraid that it would be too much to finish in 40 minutes of a real test (in fact I wrote this in 50 min.). Any suggestions on how to shorten this (320 would be ideal)?

Please give me some feedback and directions on what to improve. Any comments are appreciated.

your writing is excellent.spending 50 minutes for task 2 is not a good idea.my suggestion is to cut short your conclusion.In fact,I was tought that a one sentence conclusion is sufficient to get a higher band,if your body paras are excellent.

So my suggested conlusion is To conclude,along with proper education about safe driving ,to reduce accidents made by young drivers,an awareness about the aftermath of these incidents should be provided to them.

Your writing was good.But I think some of your sentences are too long:like in paragraph 3 sentence 3 & 4.Maybe modifying these sentence could be useful.

Thank you guys, jobymonpj and artin!
But what exactly should I do to keep a sentence short? Because when I stop the sentence somewhere possible, the next one will start with Because..., or both of them will sound very awkward to me!

Please tell me HOW to do it (i mean in general), not what to do (in this essay only). Really need advice!!

Thanks dumi!
I mean I do agree with the statement but just to a certain extent and I also think that it is not the only possible and important thing to do. Other things could be done and should be considered too.

Is that clear? Should I write that in the intro?

I've just had an idea about how to make myself clearer for the part that you said


As for the intro, of course I'll have to make it sound more academic but should I include this:


?

Oh and about the conclusion, I took your directions and tried to work it, though it took a little bit longer to write. Now I'm so glad that it's got better. Thanks a lot, Ahmad!

Right. Many thanks to you, dumi! I'll combine both you two's options and change it in my writing.
So great to have you guys help me!