(name reminds me of Manhattan Love Story. haha x)
It is quite common these days to note that children in schools<comma> especially those in primary stage<comma> have <a> trend <of being?> significantly more violent and careless in their study and social life <than they have been before>. (You could rephrase this and use less words, just a thought) From* my perspective, (could take the interjection out<< your beliefs are from your perspective, yes?) I believe that modern<comma> radical change in technology might help to cause considerably large defect in student behavior.
I believe that radical modern changes (is this what you mean?) in technology are considerably responsible for these large defects in student behavior.
First*, it is obvious that aquiculture (what do you mean? typo?) and home rules that parents have adopted* is the main factor in causing a tremendous change in the* new generation behavior. Although, nowadays the lives* of families* suffer* from hurry sickness (I'm not sure how to say it in English, but I get the idea. Place apostrophes 'hurrying sickness' around them shows that this is a special word. However, tell more of what it means.) as well as from the lack of time* spent on children.* However,* partners should be supposed (what do you mean?) some important rules that substantially cover most critical issues of child's life.
discuss the causes and suggest solutions.
<I can see the causes in your paper, but what solutions did you suggest? schools?
I guess I'll focus on just main ideas for editing:
try to keep the form consistent, using transition words like although and however correctly, keeping comparisons between comparable things, making sure to conjugate words so that verbs match subjects/objects, etc
Another thing, try to lay out the ideas in your primary language and them write them down. This will help you think of more things to write and make a better point. This will also allow you to organize the paper better.
just keep writing, you'll get the hang of it.