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IELTS; Shopping is an unavoidable worrying necessity for many people



joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 15, 2013   #1
Nowadays many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people choose as their hobby. What are the reasons for this? Is this is a positive or negative development?

Shopping is an unavoidable worrying necessity for many people, whilst for some others it is an opportunity to show their effluence. So many people even consider shopping as an activity to pass time. Though there are various reasons for this attitude, I strongly believe that, this is a negative trend and it will pave way to insurmountable issues.

Presently, shopping became a leisure time activity for many people especially young. They usually go for shopping when they feel boring or free, which they can use wisely for different activities like participating in sports and games. These people often do window shopping which may leads to unnecessary rush in the shops and employees of the shops also are also supposed to spent their time and energy for them. Thus, they are not only wasting the time and energy of themselves, but also others. Dangerously, the interests in outdoor games trim down.

Apparently, today's younger generation are getting more pocket money so that they can afford costly items. Those things, which are optional before became a necessity now. For instance, mobile phones for young children gaining ground presently. Besides, people are interested to follow the latest fashion trends. The luxuries life style of youngsters may lead to undesirable social impacts. To meet money for a costive item, they may indulge in anti social activities such as drug transactions, black marketing and so on. This produces a number of criminals in the society, which may become fetal to the peace and prosperity of the society.

Furthermore, the latest fashion of clothes and accessories, and its display in the shops itself is a fest to eyes sometimes. This attracts people to spend their time in the supermarkets instead of watching boring programs in the T.V or continuing a monotonous work. The easy system of availability of loans and credit cards shoot up the rate of spending money in shopping especially for unnecessary things. The difficulty of pay back with interest to the bank creates insurmountable issues in their personal, family and social lives.

To conclude, turning shopping as a leisure activity may results in drastic problems in the personal and social lives and valuable habits like sports may vanish. Therefore, I consider it as a negative trend.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jan 15, 2013   #2
Presently, shopping became a leisure time activity for many people especially young.

In the modern world, shopping has become a popular leisure activity among many people, mainly young ones.

They usually go for shopping when they feel boring or free, which they can use wisely for different activities like participating in sports and games.

They usually go shopping when they feel bored or when they have some free time, which they could and should be using for activities such as sports.

Overall I think you have done a good job. :)
devabe2005 46 / 96  
Jan 15, 2013   #3
show their effluence --> flowing out vocabulary usage is not matching
corrected one as follows
show their status

shops also are also supposed to spent their time

wasting the time and energy of themselves --> seems to be detailed explanation change it to short
better usage as follows
wasting their time and energy

fetal to the peace and prosperity of the society. ---> I think fetal spelling mistake

overall good essay. require more vocabulary.
OP joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 15, 2013   #4
Hai...
Dev and Pahan..

Pahan...
Valuable comments

Hai Dev...

Good suggestion and correction...
I changed the effluence into well off or is it suitable pomposity...
Vocabulary is my main problem...(.

Thanks to both..
Tessy
sentiflat10 1 / 5  
Jan 15, 2013   #5
I think it is affluence which means wealth
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 16, 2013   #6
Shopping is an unavoidable worrying necessity for many people, whilst for some others it is an opportunity to show their effluence.

Hey Tessy.... don't complicate your opening statement with high-tech vocab :D
I prefer if you present this in a more simpler, but interesting tone :D
For some, shopping is an unavoidable worry while it is one of the most enjoyable activities for others .

Though there are various reasons for this attitude, I strongly believe that, this is a negative trend and it will pave way to insurmountable issue

I suggest you to replace the word "attitude" with "trend". ... Seems you are allergic to shopping :D .... BTW .... I love shopping :P
OP joythblessy 86 / 266  
Jan 16, 2013   #7
Hai dumi and Nick...
Nick...

Thanks for the correct spellling...).

Hai Dumi...

Your corrections are much valuable for me...
I am enjoying your comments too...

Thanks...
Tessy


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