sadako sasaki - book summary

A Japanese legend says that your greatest wish will come true if you fold 1000 origami cranes. A young Japanese girl, Sadako Sasaki, has inspired millions to fold cranes for peace. She suffered from leukemia as a result of the atomic bomb dropped on Japan during WWII. Her wish to live sparked her attempt to fold 1000 cranes. After her death a memorial was built to remember her and all innocent victims of war. This origami crane was folded with a wish for peace then strung with a crystal heart to catch the suns rays and shine for peace in our world.

i'm having trouble condensing this paragraph. could anyone please give me some ideas on how to do it? also, leukemia in here is not supposed to be capitalized, right? i looked it up and found a site that had a list of examples, illness is not one of them. i just wanted to get a confirmation on that. the part "as a result of the atomic bomb dropped on japan during wwii" is a little weird...is this better? --> as a result of the atomic bombing in japan during wwii"

Greetings!

I think you're right that "leukemia" is not capitalized. Only diseases named after people need to be capitalized (like Alzheimer's). Your paragraph does not ramble, so there's only so much condensing you can do. I had a try:

According to Japanese legend, your greatest wish will come true if you fold 1000 origami cranes. Sadako Sasaki, a Japanese girl suffering from leukemia caused by atomic fallout from the bombs dropped on Japan in WWII, inspired millions to fold cranes for peace. Sadako's wish to live fueled her attempt to fold 1000 cranes. Her death prompted the building of a memorial to honor her and all innocent victims of war. This origami crane was folded with a wish for peace then strung with a crystal heart to catch the sun and shine for peace in our world.

It's not much shorter, but I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com