This is a rough draft for my English 101 class. We were able to write an essay on anything, and I chose adopting from animal shelters. I only got 80 points out of 120, I knew it wasn't that good, but I didn't think it was that bad either.
At some point in time I think everyone entertains the idea of getting a pet, either their child wants a dog or they just want the companionship of a cat. There are many ways to get your new pet, but which do you choose and why? Should you go for the adorable kittens and puppies at the pet store or do you go to the local shelter, where the animals may not look as cute and desirable to you. You think, "It doesn't really matter where I get it from, I am saving a life either way, right?"
4 million shelter animals die year after year. There are so many advantages to adopting, not only are you saving a life, but you will already know the temperament of the animal, you will be able to know if it can coexist with children or your other pets. You are also saving tons of money. Depending on the breed a pet store will charge you hundreds of dollars, while a shelter should generally cost you under $100, and the money goes to a good cause by helping to buy food and helps keep the shelter running, so in a way you are saving more than one life.
Pet store animals come from puppy mills. These animals sole purpose is to make money by breeding. They are crammed into cages with no proper care at all, barely lucky enough to get something as basic as food and water. Many of them have genetic diseases, which can be passed onto their offspring and in the end that will end up costing a surprise vet bill after the puppy finally begins to show symptoms of said disease.
Buying from a pet shop is definitely easier and less time consuming, all you have to do is walk in, pick the one you want, pay, then leave. Pretty much making it seem like you are purchasing something as simple as groceries. The shelter process is so much different, they care enough to take the time to pick out the right family for each individual animal, they meet and interview everyone in your household to make sure it is a perfect match.
To answer the original question, "I am saving a life either way, right?" It is all about supply and demand. The more you buy,the more they will produce, while millions of animals are dying.
Here are my instructors comments. "What's the main idea? Why do you want me to read about pets? Who is the audience and why? The first paragraph does not clealry indicate what the essay is going to be about, beyond the general notion of 'pets'."
I thought my main idea and audience were pretty clear.
What can I do to make my final draft better?
At some point in time I think everyone entertains the idea of getting a pet, either their child wants a dog or they just want the companionship of a cat. There are many ways to get your new pet, but which do you choose and why? Should you go for the adorable kittens and puppies at the pet store or do you go to the local shelter, where the animals may not look as cute and desirable to you. You think, "It doesn't really matter where I get it from, I am saving a life either way, right?"
4 million shelter animals die year after year. There are so many advantages to adopting, not only are you saving a life, but you will already know the temperament of the animal, you will be able to know if it can coexist with children or your other pets. You are also saving tons of money. Depending on the breed a pet store will charge you hundreds of dollars, while a shelter should generally cost you under $100, and the money goes to a good cause by helping to buy food and helps keep the shelter running, so in a way you are saving more than one life.
Pet store animals come from puppy mills. These animals sole purpose is to make money by breeding. They are crammed into cages with no proper care at all, barely lucky enough to get something as basic as food and water. Many of them have genetic diseases, which can be passed onto their offspring and in the end that will end up costing a surprise vet bill after the puppy finally begins to show symptoms of said disease.
Buying from a pet shop is definitely easier and less time consuming, all you have to do is walk in, pick the one you want, pay, then leave. Pretty much making it seem like you are purchasing something as simple as groceries. The shelter process is so much different, they care enough to take the time to pick out the right family for each individual animal, they meet and interview everyone in your household to make sure it is a perfect match.
To answer the original question, "I am saving a life either way, right?" It is all about supply and demand. The more you buy,the more they will produce, while millions of animals are dying.
Here are my instructors comments. "What's the main idea? Why do you want me to read about pets? Who is the audience and why? The first paragraph does not clealry indicate what the essay is going to be about, beyond the general notion of 'pets'."
I thought my main idea and audience were pretty clear.
What can I do to make my final draft better?
