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While celebrating mother's day i nearly lost my father - it changed my outlook in life


Jnnyfromtheblok 1 / -  
Jun 21, 2013   #1
I am writing my undergrade admissions essay about how my dad's kidney failure has changed my outlook in life and would like to know what you guys think of "While celebrating mother's day i nearly lost my father" as an opening sentence?

temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Jun 21, 2013   #2
oh yes.. a great topic it is but not as a topic sentence or starting line. not even using the sentence at all is the best option... if the question allows you..

that sentence have enough attraction to make all of it. besides you must use a sentence for starting like....
"happy mother's day mom!" i hugged my mother....or something like that... BEST OF LUCK!
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jun 21, 2013   #3
I am writing my undergrade admissions essay about how my dad's kidney failure has changed my outlook in life and would like to know what you guys think of "While celebrating mother's day i nearly lost my father" as an opening sentence?

Yes....that sounds very interesting. However, you quickly need to explain the bsckgrund as this opening statement arouses curiosity of the reader and you need to clear their mind in a creatve manner, yet it should be clear and comprehensive. We are awaiting for the full essay! .... ;)
Bubba - / 13  
Jun 21, 2013   #4
I really like the contrast. Like it is something joyful the suddenly shocking and scary. great idea but maybe go with what temptprovidence suggested.
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jun 22, 2013   #5
what you guys think of "While celebrating mother's day i nearly lost my father" as an opening sentence?

It's probably fine. Certainly it's unusual, and that's a good thing.

More important is what you write in the remainder of your essay.


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