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Contrast essay - I need help chosing/fine tuning my opening paragraphs!



kirs10 1 / -  
May 21, 2008   #1
I have written two opening paragraphs for my contrast essay of Tristan and Isolde between the movie and the novel. I just want some feedback on these two, which you think is stronger. my teacher is a hard ass English scholar!

OPTION 1
The opening credits start to roll, and three small words show up on the dark screen. A true story. These three words change the audience's perspective of the entire movie and put more of an emotional effect on the viewer. A true story allows audience's to open their hearts and embrace what these people have been through. However, most of these "true stories" are actually embellished accounts of the actual occurrences. These so called "true stories" are often taken from classic pieces of literature and twisted to the general population's liking. For example the page-turner classic novel King Arthur contained a chapter about two lovebirds titled Tristan and Isolde. Hollywood took this classical piece of literature and butchered it's accuracy with alterations in the story line. These changes from the book to the movie include marriage, death, and love.

OPTION 2
Most movies generated seem to be genuine life experiences that captivate an audience with it's good looking people and perfectly scripted lines. However, most movies are actually a twisted version of the occurrences. For example, the page-turner classic novel King Arthur contained a chapter about two lovebirds, Tristan and Isolde. Hollywood took this classical piece of literature and butchered it's accuracy with many alterations of the story line. These changes from the book to the movie include marriage, death and love.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
May 21, 2008   #2
I believe, as I'll bet your instructor will, that the sooner you get to the point the better. The second paragraph is structurally and argumentatively the strongest.

"Most movies labeled "true stories" generated today seem to be genuine life experiences that captivate audiences with it'stheir good looking people and perfectly scripted lines. However, most movies are actually a superficial, twisted version of the occurrences they claim to be "based upon" . For example, the page-turnerturning classic novel King Arthur(Refer to your citation style for the correct formatting of this title; some styles require italics, while others require quotation marks.) contains a chapter about two lovebirds, Tristan and Isolde. Hollywood took this classical piece of literature and butchered it by making a movie with many alterations of the story line. These changes from the book to the movie include marriage, death and love." Great job!


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