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Help with 1st sentence of Introduction - Topic Eurasion Water Milfoil



jennyg 1 / -  
Feb 28, 2010   #1
Here is what I have for my introduction:
I live near many beautiful lakes that serve as both recreation areas and ecological sanctuaries. A very invasive plant called Eurasian water milfoil (Myriophyllum spicatum), to be referred to as "milfoil" from here on, has become a big nuisance in North Idaho's waters. Milfoil has adversely affected many of the water activities enjoyed on the lakes, and the ecosystem of the waters. The noxious weed needs to be eradicated or at the least, controlled to be able to enjoy the boating, fishing, swimming and kayaking in my community.

My question: Can you help me to rephrase my 1st sentence and give me a "Hook"?

Thank you, Jenny

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 1, 2010   #2
Yeah, I think that first sentence could be beter. The fact that you live in an area with the milifoil is not really relevant if you are writing about the milifoil itself. Start with a hook about the milifoil... what is interesting about it?

You can start with a rhetorical question about it, or you can start by giving a quick, interesting fact about it. Make sure you start with an interesting sentence that tells something about it.

And I think it is not necessary to include this part:
to be referred to as "milfoil" from here on,


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