Prompt- What I would tell America's Founding Fathers
Judging-
Knowledge of theme- 30 points
Theme Development- 35 points
Clarity of ideas- 35 points
As I wake up and see the horizon rising, Lady Liberty with her torch, I feel proud to be part of America, the Home of the Brave, and Land of the Free. Where we are all equals, and have an opportunity to make our dreams real.
America is home to soldiers who persevere through there life, overcome obstacles, and are determined. They serve our country without asking for anything in return, they are risking there life to protect our country.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for being selflessness, for caring for there country, before themselves, just like the soldiers, who protect our country.
America is a free country, where we could be who we want to be, do what we want to do, and be allowed to be ourselves. We have the rights to do what we want to do, nobody can tell you what to do, because it is your choice as to what's right and what's wrong.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for creating a strong foundation for a country, where you are free.
"We hold these truths to be self- evident, that all men are created equal." "I have a dream, that one day my four little children will live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of there skin but by the content of there character."
I thank the founding fathers of America, for creating a country where we are not judged by our race or gender, but by who we are as individuals.
America is a place for everyone who wants to follow there dream, they have the opportunity to make miracles happen. With a little perspiration, and determination, anything can happen, if you believe. America is one of those countries where you are wanted to let your limitations go, so you can soar, and believe, make those dreams reality.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for building a country where we are not limited by what we can do; the sky is our only limit.
To the founding fathers, I tell, "thank you ", for your selflessness, in creating a country in which we are not only free, but have a chance to make miracles happen. " Your work will never be forgotten, and so won't you, the effort, and hard work was worth it. Thank you for everything
Hi there, I've noticed just a few things in the first few sentences of your essay. I'll try to help...
As I wake up each morning and see the horizon rising, as does Lady Liberty with her torch, I feel proud to be part of America, the Home of the Brave, and Land of the Free.
Where we are all equals, and have an opportunity to make our dreams real. This is a fragmented sentence. You possibly attempted to tie this in with the previous sentence, which can be done this way: As I wake up each morning and see the horizon rising, as does Lady Liberty with her torch, I feel proud to be part of the American people.America is a wondrous land of opportunity, quite simply the Home of the Brave, and Land of the Free, where we are all equals, and have an opportunity to make our dreams reala reality . I added a few lines because I thought it added to the substance of the essay.
Heres my revised version
As I wake up each morning and see the horizon rising, as does Lady Liberty with her torch, I feel proud to be part of American people. America is a wondrous land of opportunity, quite simple the Home of the Brave, and Land of the Free, where we are all equals, and have an opportunity to make our dreams reality.
America is home to soldiers who persevere through there life, overcome obstacles, and are determined. They serve our country without asking for anything in return, they are risking there life to protect our country.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for being selflessness, for caring for there country, before themselves, just like the soldiers, who protect our country.
America is a free country, where we could be who we want to be, do what we want to do, and are allowed to be ourselves. We have the rights to do anything we wish to do whenever we feel like doing them.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for creating a strong foundation for a country, where you are free.
"We hold these truths to be self- evident, that all men are created equal." "I have a dream, that one day my four little children will live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of there skin but by the content of there character."
I thank the founding fathers of America, for creating a country where we are not judged by our race or gender, but by who we are as individuals.
America is a place for everyone who wants to follow there dream, they have the opportunity to make miracles happen. With a little perspiration, and determination, anything can happen, if you believe. America is one of those countries where you are wanted to let your limitations go, so you can soar, and make what used to be dream, reality.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for building a country where we are not limited by what we can do; the sky is our only limit.
To the founding fathers, I tell, "thank you ", for your magnanimty, in creating a country in which we are not only free, but have a chance to make miracles happen. " Your work will never be forgotten, and so won't you, the effort, and hard work was worth it. Thank you for everything."
Thank you for your constructive criticism.
Can somebody PLEASE read my paper and tell me how I could make it better. More focus on the criteria, than on revision of grammer, punctuation, etc.
Do I get the point across, is it clear.
PLEASE help ME
Hey chess1921,
When is this essay due? There are quite a bit of grammatical errors and I can help, but it'll take some time. I think the theme of the essay is clear. I think the message is quite obvious as well. I'll definitely help, but it will take a little time. We'll start here:
America is home to soldiers who persevere through challenging scenarios intheretheir liveslife , overcome obstacles, and are determined (insert) to fight for freedom, regardless of the cost . They serve our country without asking for anything in return,. (Period, not comma.)Theyare riskingrisktheretheir liveslife to protect our country.
That's just a start. Hope that helps!
Mario M.
Hey Mario,
This essay is due October 26,2012.
Thanks for taking the time to correct my essay, I have just entered 7th grade, so am not a developed writer yet, but love to write still.
I was wondering whether you could tell me, whether I have the following:
Knowledge of theme
Theme Development
Clarity of ideas
This is what I will be graded on despite, punctuation, grammer, spelling, etc.
Here is my essay, again with the correction you told me to make.
As I wake up each morning and see the horizon rising, as does Lady Liberty with her torch, I feel proud to be part of American people. America is a wondrous land of opportunity, quite simple the Home of the Brave, and Land of the Free, where we are all equals, and have an opportunity to make our dreams reality.
America is home to soldiers who persevere through tchallenging scenarios in their lives, overcome obstacles, and are determined to fight for freedom, regardless of the cost. They serve our country without asking for anything in return. They are risking there lives to protect our country.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for being selflessness, for caring for there country, before themselves, just like the soldiers, who protect our country.
America is a free country, where we could be who we want to be, do what we want to do, and are allowed to be ourselves. We have the rights to do anything we wish to do whenever we feel like doing them.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for creating a strong foundation for a country, where you are free.
"We hold these truths to be self- evident, that all men are created equal." "I have a dream, that one day my four little children will live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of there skin but by the content of there character."
I thank the founding fathers of America, for creating a country where we are not judged by our race or gender, but by who we are as individuals.
America is a place for everyone who wants to follow there dream, they have the opportunity to make miracles happen. With a little perspiration, and determination, anything can happen, if you believe. America is one of those countries where you are wanted to let your limitations go, so you can soar, and make what used to be dream, reality.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for building a country where we are not limited by what we can do; the sky is our only limit.
To the founding fathers, I tell, "thank you ", for your magnanimty, in creating a country in which we are not only free, but have a chance to make miracles happen. " Your work will never be forgotten, and so won't you, the effort, and hard work was worth it. Thank you for everything."
I read your essay uwmarc, it was really good.
It states that you were part of the us army. I was wondering whether you could help me make this a little bit more clearer, feeling wise.
The audience of my essay are people who worked in the us army, so its great that you could help comment on my essay.
I was wondering whether you could tell me maybe a story, or a scenario in which you were in so that I could use that to relate to the soldiers.
Do you think you could give me your e-mail address because, I have another essay, which is about Forgotten Patriots who fought for our Indepenedence, it might help if I could maybe talk to you. They said they prefer us to interview someone so it seems better if I talk to you, because I dont know any other soldiers.
Thanks,
Abi
Sure thing Abi. I responded to your other message with my email addy, so I think it would be overkill to respond here too. Forgotten Patriots...I like that theme. I don't feel forgotten though. I actually don't mind if no one even knows that I served. I guess it's just part of being a soldier. I felt an obligation to give back to this great nation when I was part of the U.S. Army, so whether I receive gratitude currently, or not, it doesn't matter. I'm satisfied to have just done my part. But sure, send me your interview questions and I'll answer them . Take care.
Mario M.
Here is my NEW revised version
As I wake up each morning and see the horizon rising, Lady Liberty with her torch, I feel proud to be part of American people. America is a wondrous land of opportunity, quite simply the Home of the Brave, and Land of the Free, where we are all equals, and have an opportunity to make our dreams reality.
America is home to soldiers who persevere through challenging scenarios in their lives, overcome obstacles, and are determined to fight for freedom, regardless of the cost. They serve our country without asking for anything in return, they risk their lives to protect our country.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for being selflessness, for caring for their country, before themselves, just like the soldiers, who protect our country.
We have the Bill of Rights and the Declaration of Independence to prove that America is a free country. We have been brought up to believe in freedom and democracy, so it is easy to take that for granted, but we should still respect what our founding fathers have fought for.
I thank the founding fathers of America, for creating a strong foundation for a country, where we are free.
"We hold these truths to be self- evident, that all men are created equal." "I have a dream, that one day my four little children will live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."
I thank the founding fathers of America, for creating a country where we are not judged by our race or gender, but by who we are as individuals.
The founding fathers fought long and hard to make it possible to have what we call "America" today. When signing the Declaration of Independence many had to make sacrifices to sign their name on what they called "a document." But today it is the document that holds our nation together, and makes it possible for us to be free. Without that document there would be no America, let alone freedom. Our founding fathers are those that have made the biggest impact on our lives, despite them not living.
To the founding fathers of America, I say "Thank you, for creating a nation where we are free, no matter our gender or race, and feel secure. Thank you!"
As I read through your essay, I thought it was very good but just saying that the horizon doesn't rise, the sun does.
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