Shalom fellow Gideonites. I won't be introducing myself like what the others did

I would really appreciate receiving a complete revision of my essay. I need it tomorrow. Thank you very much and have a nice day to all of you. :)

Shalom fellow Gideonites. I won't be introducing myself like what the others did. They said their full names, but I, daring to be unique, will only say my pen name. I am Titanium. Oh, and I have some questions for you. Do you often wake up feeling unfresh due to lack of sleep? Do your yummy bacons, sweet milk, crunchy cereals, or any delicious breakfast have to bid good-bye from your growling stomachs just for you to not be late in your classes? Do you often get marked late because you consume a long time preparing for school? If your answers are yes, well I'll tell you what folks, it is because of the early start of school. Today, I will be trying to persuade you why making schools start later in the day will be beneficial for students.

First, sleep is an essential part of having a good health, and more of it gives better concentration and alertness. However, since school requires students to attend school as early as 7:00 AM, students wake up early and tend to feel under rested, then stressed, then unfresh. This may affect the performance of students in school. If students get more sleep, they have a better chance to go to school wide awake and more focused. After all, parents and teachers expect students to perform better in schools, and for students to do so, adequate sleep for better concentration is necessary.

Secondly, making school start earlier gives students no time to prepare and get ready for school. For instance, students skip breakfast to avoid being late to classes. We all know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so skipping it will definitely make a huge impact to students. Students will be lacking energy. As a result, concentration and alertness will be greatly affected. And lastly, late marks and haggard looking students will reduce. Students won't have to worry about making it up to school on time, since they know that school starts later already.

On the other hand, many may still not agree with my opinion. Perhaps they will think that it will only encourage students to go to bed later, be lazy, and irresponsible. I know that there are also negative effects to this one, but it would be nothing compared to the positive effects in case it was implemented.

In conclusion, the idea of starting school later in the morning would indeed benefit the students. It would give students enough time to get ready to school. With extra hours in the morning, students won't have to hurry and panic anymore. With extra hours of sleep, students will have better concentration and alertness. What is the use of trying to teach kids that can't learn? Sending students to school before they have had ample time to wake up and prepare will only result in them not learning to their full potential.

You should have:

well-constructed and assured whole text shaping
subject matters/ideas presented in appropriately sustained way; assured judgments made about the impact of depth/detail on readers engagement.
assured and confident control and crafting of language, with words' effects deliberately worked for.
confident and skillful use of form, with assured absorption of generic elements.

OVER ALL IT WAS GOOD

Is this for a speech? ... sounds like that :)


... It's generally a not good practice to compare with others... though you don't intend to tell your way is superior or more catchy or whatever, it gives a slight competitive feeling when you mention about other people. I feel you better present it in a different way;

I want to introduce myself little differently from the usual way.


So, let me introduce myself with my pen name, I am Titanium.

However, the most of the schools start at as early as 7.00 a.m. demanding students to wake up pretty early that makes them feel sleepy, stressed and tired .


This may affect their concentration in classroom work and thereby their academic performance.


... You told this idea already and there's no point in repeating it again.


Schools should pay more attention to this matter if they expect good performance from their students.