I'm a student university (HUI) (profession in university)

i'm from VN, I'm study in HUI university. it's one of which that's 10 top of university. the first time I kept my foot in this univer. i think this is a well-future I dream , face to newsenviroment, newfriend, otherteacher I was hardwork, I looked for everythings which relevant my job ( profession in university). But i considered it, what I got after all, 7,8,9 marks and respect from friends, is that what you need? I almost forgot a point, can you tell me what is it ?

Dear percy. Here's some of my suggestions. You can lengthen this paragraph more, give more your thought as well as tell others more about your story, your poitn of view or another problems.etc.. to share with all people :). Eg: What do you feel and what experience have you drawn when being a freshman? You've got good mark in university so what is it relevant to your dream or do you benefit?... :-)

i'm from VN, I'm studyI am studying/study in HUI university. it's one of which that's 10 top of university. the first time I kept my foot in this univer i think this is a well-future I dream (maybe have dreamt is appropriate). Encountering withface to new enviroment, new friends and other teachers I was hardwork am a hardworking studentWhat do you mean in this sentence? You have to encounter with completely new environment while the rest of this sentence does not suit with the whole? , I looked for everything whichis relevant to my job ( profession in university). But i considered it, what I got after all, 7,8,9 marks and respect from friends, is that what you need? I almost forgot a point, can you tell me what is it ?

You have to combine the sentence more reasonably and give more information and details to persuade the readers and support your idea. Give it a try! Nice to meet you, a VietNamese friend too. :-)

This paragraph informed me about the new styles of essays I can write.
Thx, it is really a wonderful place for practise writing. :)

thank for fixing

Percy, I can't understand what you are asking. Are you asking about the points to include when you write an essay? If so, I think you should try to list several short-term goals. List several goals you want to achieve in the next 2 years. Show that you can achieve these goals at the school to to which you are applying.

The reader will want you to be able to achieve your goals and carry out your plan.