the teacher gave me this to start off with but i will get more marks if i make my own up. Im in the top english class and i cant fail this!
I never really liked being alone at night, but I promised my friend I would look after her little sister. I sent her up to bed and I was downstairs watching TV. I was just about to fall asleep when I heared a loud thump outside of the front door. I started to breathe faster and tried to tell myself that it was nothing. Slowly, I walked over to the front door. Another thump- and I jumped back. What the heck could it be? My palms became sweaty as I tried to look through the peep hole. Suddenly, I realised that the door knob was slowly turning...
Why don't you talk about an abusive family towards their children...?
Sorry if it's not what you looking for...
Just a suggestion, but if you talked more about what is happening around you, things would be a lot more frightening. You are describing the environment, and changing scenarios, but everything is from your view point so it's not as scary. I find that reading about what is happening from a third-person point of view is a lot more scary than first-person. Good luck!
Personally I feel first-person view would be more scary so so far you are on the right track. Other than that though describe in detail what is happening but leave some to the imagination.
When you say a horror story, does it have to be a typical one that consist of fear of some unknown element?(monster, murderer, etc.) Of course everyone loves a terrifying Stephen King horror story, but I think it would be great for your teacher to see another side of fear that most don't think about. Possibly, fear of the future, fear of failure, and so on. I think it would be beneficial to think outside the box on this one. As far as your setup (not to be too harsh), It's not realistic, it doesn't instill a true sense of fear in the reader. You want real fear which calls for a realistic situation, not just some random knock on the door. Give the story more foundation, such as maybe your watching the news and see a news report on a murderer on the loose, or that you can hear the sirens of countless cops outside slowly getting closer. Hopefully, this was helpful and good luck.
My advice to you is that you could use the "show not tell" style. Try to "show" everything so that the reader can guess things and stuff. It's more fun that way.
For an example, you "told" the readers that the narrator was afraid of nights. You can "show" that instead by using dialogue and body gestures, etc.
also putting more detail into the story makes the story seem a whole lot more realistic.
Since I have no life I wrote your whole entire intro out in "show not tell" style. Hope this helps.
I had never liked nights. I sat hunched looking at the dark window while Tracy slept in the corner of my eye. Relax, it's not even like you're completely alone, I thought. I looked at Tracy, the little sister of my best friend, Lucy. I remembered my last conversation with her:
"Come on! It's 50 dollars for just two hours of babysitting. 10 PM to 12 AM, that's all. It's the best deal," Lucy had said.
"But I'm scared of night," I had said, "I'm going to freak out if I'm alone at night. You should ask somebody else,"
Lucy exclaimed. "I can't take Tracy to the party. She's only three. Come on, you're my best friend."
I sighed. "Okay," I had said.
I really regretted my promise now. The TV screen was bright and noisy, but my head started to nod.
Then a loud thump woke me up in a start.
I began to breathe faster. It's nothing, I told myself. I walked across the cold living room floor to the front door. Another thump sounded, causing me to jump back violently. What the heck could it be? I peered cautiously through the peep hole, rubbing my sweaty palms on my trousers. Suddenly, I heard a slow creak, and with horror I saw the bronze handle twitch, then tweak. And then with a sinister air, the knob turned slowly.
thanks! its fine! sorry i kinda forgot about this and already did it before reading...