I am applying to a PhD electrical engineering
PLEASE HELP ME EDITING THIS : Statement of purpose: THANKS A LOT
There is an actual relationship between the high voltage power lines and me. While overhead transmission lines have mostly been for the birds that perch on the tap of these towers, as for me, I used to be just like a bird in order to provide maintenance services without shutting down the circuit. I worked as a power technician in the ------------------. Eventually, I started my education with electrical certification from the Training Department - -------------. Then, I joined to -------------- of Technology to obtain an associate degree in the same field. Afterward, and because my ambition has no limits, I decided to develop my knowledge to jump from the technical zone to the engineering world. I obtained my bachelor's degree in electrical engineering technology in the field of power systems and electric machines. Currently, I'm pursuing my masters of science in electrical engineering at the University of ------------, US.
[...]
Hmm, saying that high voltage transmission lines are mainly for the benefit of the birds that roost on them seems very odd to me and not something an electrical engineer (like myself) would want to hear.
Also, you have many errors, like "tap" instead of "top". "joined to" instead of "joined". "the PhD" instead of "a PhD"
actually let me correct your grammar ...
There is an actual relationship between the high voltage power lines and me. While overhead transmission lines have mostly been for the birds that perch on the t[op] of these towers, as for me, I used to be just like a bird in order to provide maintenance services without shutting down the circuit. I worked as a power technician in the ------------------. Eventually, I started my education with electrical certification from the Training Department - -------------. Then, I joined to -------------- of Technology to obtain an associate degree in the same field. Afterward, and because my ambition has no limits, I decided to develop my knowledge to jump from the technical zone to the engineering world. I obtained my bachelor's degree in electrical engineering technology in the field of power systems and electric machines. Currently, I'm pursuing my masters of science in electrical engineering at the University of ------------, US.
In the short term, my goal is to pursue the [a] PhD in the smart grid field, which is the most interesting technology for me[, one] that [has] be[come] more important[,] especially in the [area of] power systems engineering. This would allow me to teach, conduct world-class research, mentor students, supervise their work, and contribute significantly to the technological development of the nation. I set this goal because I would address a specific case of the smart grid challenges that could contribute to devolve{"devolve" sounds odd and unclear here} this area of research principally because I strongly believe that I have a deep interest in research work and strong aptitude for the type of problem discovering and solving. {this last phrase sounds pretty odd} One of my targets is to be a professional researcher where I can contribute my knowledge and experience to the future development of the organization and achieve growth in my professional carrier either academic or industry area. {this whole paragraph seemed weak - what is it that you want to accomplish?}
In addition, I have been a student member of the IEEE (Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers) for the past six months. Through its workshops/seminars and publications it has [I have been] exposed me to a lot [multitude] of emerging technologies in the field of smart grid [planning]. I have also [have] a student membership at the IEEE Power and Energy Society, and I am following their new posters, {"following their posters" sounds pretty odd} workshops and news in the power system.
I also like to attend {"enjoy attending" sounds a little more polished} both conferences and exhibitions, which [that are] related to power and energy. Even though I didn't present ether [nor] submit any paper. {this is not a complete sentence} Just because I believe that I would learn and gain so much in [from] these events that I should not postpone it to later. Additionally, I am sure that it is the first stage of PhD path is to be able to publish papers, present and participate in workshops.
While I was working on my undergraduate coursework I have attended the 16th International Trade Exhibition for Electricity, Power Generation, Alternative Energy, Water Technology, Lighting & HVAC for --------, which was held on May 2013. Additionally, I had the opportunity to attend the International Energy and Sustainability Conference on October, 2014 at Long Island, New York.
I am highly aware of the superb reputation of the University of -----------, and my conversation with Prof. __________ has served to deepen my interest in attending. Therefore, I hope to take this opportunity to be a member of [join] the group that work[s ] under Prof. __________ directions. The research interests that I plan to work on are very similar to the Prof. Sara['s] researchers[, making me quite certain of my future] resulting of what I am pretty sure would increase the chance of success in research work.
Thankfully, {"thankfully" sounds a little odd here}I would like to mention that I have awarded a full paid scholarship from the ministry of energy, --------. This golden opportunity w[ill] help me to be comfortable [financially, allowing me to] from the financial situation in order to focus on the graduate courses and researches.
Sincerely,