Applying to the MAIA to be fully educated - SOP

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE

Education is a personal treasure where no technology can hack what you gained. I strongly believe in education as a ladder to greatness, the path which led me to my current work in the Eritrean equipment plc. (Caterpillar dealer) as an IT expert and network professional plus configure embedded some technology. This has been a lifetime experience and helped me to shine my dreams, goals of being a computer engineer and make me to have a great exposure in company works with many programmers and Computer Engineers.

During my five years of study in a collage of Eritrean Institute of Technology, I have acquired a mentionable ability and adequate knowledge to be a successful graduate student. These characteristics are amplified by my contribution over these past years. In 2014 a private electronic and computer center named Even computer center, picked three top scores of our class including myself, at that time I had good knowledge of electronics through experience because I was working with my brother's friend since 8th grade in his electronics shop. I used to repair TV Radios MP3 and mobile .... Etc. Having such a kind of background helped me to magnify what I have been learned to reflect on the practical world of internship in computer related staff. My first job experience as an IT was in Eritrea Ministry of Defense as an electrical and network administrator for over one year. Later I was reassigned to Eriequip (CAT Dealer in Eritrea) as an IT, programmer, network expert.

Throughout my time at the Eritrean Institute of Technology (EIT), I undertook two major projects. My first mini project was an android application. It is developed in both English and our local language Tigrinya. Which is named as First Aid It has a search engine plus it has a unique future that enables one to add traditional medication by sending confirmation to the Eritrean ministry of health through that application. My senior year research is a smart greenhouse. It is a mechatronic project which has 6 modules. Power station, temperature control, humidity control, sunlight control, computer-based application, camera, and pagers, the idea behind this demo was changing the way of a mini computerized greenhouse to advanced, smart greenhouse. This project found focus on Eritrea's enormous organizations, like (Eritrean flower Center) and got me selected for a tour SAWA symposium by foreign experts. My objective in my life is toward Computer science and engineering.

I want to contribute something big to my country so it is compulsory to be highly educated. My decision to apply to the MAIA is based on a careful examination of the department website. I like the mission and vision of the department because I found it very aligned with what I want to study. It would be an honor to take lessons under this distinguished faculty in the computer science, Computer Network, Artificial intelligence area, which took my interest. Overall it is all about finding and its appreciation as a high ranking University in the world reports best Colleges seized a portion of my choice. I am confident enough that I would meet all the above demands and would try to be a candidate for your program. I believe one day I will be one of the splendid graduates holding a name for acceptance. Remembering the person I used to be and the person who graduated from college with first degree, I digested the quote "once human mind stretched can never get shrunk". I believe in education, as the sky is the limit and I will never rest until I achieve something glorious in my life. So I expect sincerely your help to stretch my mind.

Sincerely,
Ibrahim M. Imam

Hi there. First of all, I find your writing incredibly hard to read. Pay attention to capitalization and punctuation, as the reviewer will read hundreds of similar letters and without readability your statement will hardly leave meaningful impression.

Second, the lack of structure makes your writing look cluttered and again, hard to read. There are a lot of guides for it on the internet. Here's a structure you can use:

1st paragraph - introduction, your objective of the study
2nd - specific techniques or skills that you have, or your experiences
3rd - why this program will help you reach your objective (e.g. they have subjects you're interested in or professors you want to work with)

4th - future plan after you go back to your country
5th - conclusion

There are a lot of grammatical errors that I'm struggling to understand what you mean. Here's a simple rule of thumb: make sure your sentences have at least basic construction Subject-Predicate-Object. This will help you avoid ambiguous sentences such as: "...as an IT expert and network professional plus configure embedded some technology." or "... and make me to have a great exposure in company works with many programmers and ..."

Hope this helps, and good luck with your application.

You cannot use any part of this essay for your statement of purpose. This will work as a personal statement though so don't delete it just yet. The information for a statement of purpose must be no more than 5 years old in order to remain relevant to your current skills, theoretical practices, and training advancements prior to studies. You do not reflect such information in your essay. The information you have to present is simple, A purpose that is either academic or professionally inclined, along with specific research strengths on your part that will show how you are capable of doing academic work with little to no supervision. You must never use the terms "etc." or ellipses (...) in an academic essay. You are not writing a letter to a friend, you are applying for admission to a university.

Connect your essay presentation this way:

- Declare your purpose for study (academic or professional). An immediate professional goal that can be completed soon after graduation from the course will be best.

- Explain your relevant college background that prepared you for the course. Additional training or seminars attended on the job would be of high benefit to this presentation paragraph.

- Discuss an academic accomplishment that highlights your ability to complete a difficult degree of research. Support this with a related professional accomplishment.
- Convey the reasons why you feel the training of the university can help you. This can be through academics or technical training which is part of the MS course.

Do not format this as a letter. This is an essay statement.